Archives for T. Harv Eker

Where Else Do You Experience Limits, and What More Can I Do?

Daniel Cukier on Flickr

It is said that how you do one thing is how you do everything. I first heard this from T Harv Eker. I personally have found many exceptions to this rule in terms of “everything”, but this insight has proven helpful in helping my clients.

For instance, if a client had yet to reach their full potential on the job, it could be because they had yet to have the opportunity to apply an innate strength. So while they may not have been approaching their job and their career by using their strengths, I can look for clues into their personal life and projects to see what their strengths are, and how they can start applying them to their job and career to bring them to the next level.

I can also look at other realms of their lives where they have not achieved their ideal vision and get clues as to what could be holding them back in their career.

For instance, if a client has not yet found love because they have a distrust of other people. Does that distrust of other people lead them to not delegate what needs to be delegated at work? Does it impact their leadership abilities or relationships with their boss and coworkers?

If someone has a low number of connections on LinkedIn and claims to not have a rich network, a reason has been that they had a low level of self-importance and figured people would not want to connect with them. This same low level of self-importance can also hold them back from pursuing promotional opportunities.

Many of my coaching coaches have taught me that we as coaches have to stand for other people’s transformation when they won’t, because it is truly what they want when they come to us, and what holds them back from investing in themselves is what will keep them from reaching their goal.

I have had two types of coaches give this advice; one encourages employing coercive sales tactics, but even if I want to stand for people’s transformation, I can’t bring myself to fight against someone’s will. It’s not in my nature and hasn’t had a good outcome for me.

Other coaches have helped me understand that I need to make my offer of help a no-brainer – affordable, flexible payment plans, tons of bonuses, free stuff, and money back guarantees.

This makes so much more sense to me, but even though this is what I’m offering, and I know people desperately want to land quickly in a job that makes them feel alive, appreciated, and well-paid, I am surprised at how few people watched the free module of my group coaching program that I offered (and am still offering until the group is full – http://bit.ly/FreeDJBSreplay).

I have received some really great feedback on the free module, and people have expressed how much they want in, but have yet to pull the trigger.

While I know that what is holding them back is most likely the thing that is holding them back in other areas of their lives, and as a result of going through this program, they will gain new awareness and tools to not let that stop them anymore, I have to take accountability – there’s something I failed to get across, something I failed to communicate, something I failed to offer.

Help me out ­–

If you truly desire some kind of improvement in your career, what is stopping you from taking the first step of watching every module, and also taking the steps after that, which I have made as simple, easy, and fun as possible, requiring a lot less of your time than a conventional job search.

From my perspective, I have removed all possible objections that you might have to creating that change.

What am I missing? Why have you not acted yet?

 

Please comment or private message me.

Foo Fighters – Best Of You (VIDEO)

Foo Fighters’ official music video for ‘Best Of You’. Click to listen to Foo Fighters on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/FooFSpotify?IQid=FooFBOY As featured on Greatest Hits.

We Are All Messengers; What Kind of Messenger Are You?

Part 8 in the MindValley Reunion=Mind Blown series, which continues next week

While Vishen Lakhiani, founder of MindValley, challenged us to think and act in ways that are humanity+ versus humanity-, including choosing to start, run and/or work only for humanity+ corporations, our Sunday at the MindValley Reunion held in San Diego in August started out a lot more solemn.

My Lyft driver had asked me if I was on my way to church, like some of his other fares for the morning, and I had said, “no,” but the experience of watching Don Miguel Ruiz, world renowned author of The Four Agreements, speak resembled the church experiences that I enjoyed most.

The room was full of reverence, and I had a front row seat. He spoke slowly and deliberately, and if I allow my focus on his image to grow fuzzy, I could see a glow around him, as though he was connected to a higher source and was channeling it to us. Though I absorbed every word, I only captured about a third, as I wanted to remain present, entranced, and really take what he was saying deep into my consciousness.

All the following excerpts are quotes from Don Miguel Ruiz, with my reflections below:

“Gratitude becomes generosity.”

My own perception of what he meant was that if we give without being grateful, we can harbor resentment. We must give from a place of gratitude, knowing that we are provided for and supported by the divine. Once we fill ourselves with the gratitude of our own blessings, we tend to want to spill it out onto others. So, focus first on gratitude, and then generosity.

“The problem is our domestication and disillusion.”

I am going by my impression, because it has been some time now since the actual event and the context of his intention is forgotten. My interpretation of this based on the notes I took that followed this are that we focus on our material needs and perceive separation between us and others. This causes us to perceive life as a struggle for survival, an “us versus them” or “us or them” mentality. However, we are more than physical beings, and our separation from each other is merely an illusion that we create needlessly.

He proclaimed the Human Manifesto: Preserve our planet and morality

This theme emerged from several of the speakers throughout the weekend. If we do not allow the progression of our nature from what we have been and how we have lived to what scientists, spiritualists, and intuits agree is the movement toward higher consciousness, then we just may destroy ourselves. If you pay attention, you’ll see this emerging everywhere around you, too.

“Awareness allows you to see possibilities of what you can do with your life.”

Awareness of what? Your own true nature and the nature of everything. To start simply, use the awareness that there can be other ways to be, to live, to act. Question the status quo, especially if you see things around you that concern or irritate you. If that is not the way, what are the other ways? Perhaps your noticing is your soul calling you to a higher purpose. However, as Jeffery Allen warned, we have to be careful not to become elitists in our higher consciousness. And as Vishen advised, the way to help others see your side is to seek understanding first, and to debate worthy issues without alienating people. Alienating those who opine differently from you will only cause them to become stauncher and give them motivation to hold on to their ways of thinking.

“We want to have the eye of the artist. We follow that beauty…Every single human is an artist…creating a story in which we are the main character.”

This reminds me of quote from T. Harv Eker, “Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.” Your life is an empty vessel, even with your past. We are meaning-making machines. And in the consciousness we have been living we have created many stories, many of which don’t serve us, such as the epidemic belief that fuels most misery, “I am not enough.” Marisa Peer, the next speaker I will chronicle in this blog series, attributes this belief for epic suffering, even among the rich and famous and royal. It’s prevalent, and if you want to know if this belief is part of your story, ask yourself why you do certain things – buy the products you buy, pine for the job you never really try for, decline to make a connection with someone. But is it true? Not if you see yourself from the Divine’s perspective. Whatever your story has been, you can change it – Right NOW!

“I am not real. I am the force that makes [that story] happen.”

From a quantum physics perspective, we are energy; everything is energy at an atomic level. It cannot be created nor destroyed, only change forms. Remember this physics lesson?: “An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.” That outside force can be you. It can be a conscious decision and the actions resulting from that decision. What makes something matter is our perception of it. This can be applied to physical matter, or things we deem important. What are you making important, and is it really? Why? Does that empower your or disempower you? If the latter, this is something you can change.

“A dog doesn’t know it’s a dog. A cat doesn’t know it’s a cat. And they don’t care. Why should we?”

A lot of time and energy is invested in trying to live up to a standard either set by ourselves or society. When we perceive ourselves as failing to reach that standard, suffering ensues. Many believe it is in our nature to continually grow, and we have been taught that setting goals is a positive step in achieving them. I am not refuting this. However, there is a very powerful question that we need to ask if we are to commit our time, energy, or even money, in becoming that version of ourselves – why? Why do you care if you earn $100K+? Why do you want to own a beautiful home? What does being CEO really mean? What criteria are we using to define how we want ourselves to be? Whose criteria are we using? Who are you really? Does it matter if you live up to standards? Can you love yourself unconditionally? Can you allow others to love you unconditionally?

“We only have 100 years to enjoy our physical body, or to suffer our physical body.”

This one hit home for me, as I have been confronting my self-image after gaining back all the weight I lost and then some and seeing my skin decline into continual painful breakouts. I just climbed a mountain on Saturday, and I am thankful that in spite of my lack of conditioning, I was able to do it. At times, the grade was so steep that I had to use my hands, and it had rained the day before, so with the rocks and leaves, it was very slippery. My body came through, and I was very proud of it. It also made it down the mountain – 8 miles in total. I want to make it a regular practice to see what my body can do and be grateful for that rather than spending time being critical of how it looks and comparing it to how it used to look or comparing it to how others look. This is very challenging. Don Miguel had suffered a heart attack, so this was coming from a place of life-experience wisdom, not just Toltec wisdom. Can I look into the mirror and instead of noticing a few white hairs, wrinkles, and painful cystic acne appreciate the joy of my smile, the eyes given to me by my father, the lips given to me by my mom? Can I appreciate that my own daughter has gotten the same lips, and my other daughter has gotten my nose? Can I see my scars and be thankful that…well, I don’t know…I’m still working on it. I got a book written by Wayne Dyer’s daughter, who suffered a painful skin condition that she healed herself by accepting and loving herself as is.

“You can create your own personal paradise or you can create your own personal traumas, your own personal hell, but it’s not real; it’s just your story. Your challenge is to face the main character of your story…Face the end of your story as you know it, and [create] a new beginning.”

Here is a blog I published in 2015 explaining some things I learned both from Landmark Education and Vishen Lakhiani on flipping the script of your sad story. I will be honest – it has not happened overnight, and I continue to identify sad stories I have been telling myself from a very young age. They have kept me in a victim mentality, from taking action on my own behalf, and from following through on what could have been huge opportunities. In essence, the stories of my past have been perpetuating into my present, and will continue to do so in my future UNLESS I am aware of them and can take back my power to create a new story. Technology has been developed, and continues to be developed, to help you access and override these stories, including John Assaraf’s and Brent Phillips’ brain entrainment programs, isochronic and binaural beats (Yes, Pearl Jam’s Binaural album was produced with these, but you have to experience them with headphones to benefit), and Marisa Peer’s Rapid Transformational Therapy (more about that next week.)

“I believe in angels. I believe in you – because you are angels. You are a messenger. But what kind of messenger are you? Are you a messenger of truth [or of story?]”

This is what resonated through from the day before. What kinds of messages am I perpetuating when I share my opinion? What are my intentions and are they pure? Are they good? Am I needlessly and even harmfully creating divisions between myself and others or between others? My most popular post shares an all too common practice of recruiters to blacklist candidates. Though my intention was to help prevent people from unconsciously burning bridges with recruiters, the article had an impact I did not expect. The majority of the comments were job seekers sharing their disappointment, and even disgust, with how [some] recruiters operate. By no means did I intend to justify any unjust or immoral recruiting practices, nor did I intend to instill a fear of recruiters, but my headline certainly did leverage potential fear. That is probably what garnered so much readership. In spite of how excited I am by the number of readers and the high engagement, I am choosing to be more conscious of my headlines. I am using the post to attempt to generate conversations that encourage people to be more empathetic, and to see people from all parties as people, flawed, but innately good.

Don Miguel’s son and co-author of The Fifth Agreement,” Don José, also relayed some powerful messages that complimented his father:

“The minute we let our art come out, something happens > judgment.”

“How do you want to hurt the human mind when the human mind is suffering the same mistake a hundred times over and over again?”

“Now it’s time for my will to be loyal to my body.”

“What brings us happiness is to be loyal to the sacred heart; it’s our intuition.”

“Mistakes teach us what we want to participate in in life, and what we don’t want to participate in.”

“If you created the virus, you can create the anti-virus.”

“Decide – it ends with me!”

“Magic is in every word that you speak. You can break a spirit or we can lift a spirit with the words that you speak.”

“You are here to make a masterpiece out of your life.”

When Don Miguel and Don José left the stage, nearly all of the 800 attendees were in tears and gave them a standing ovation. The host came out in tears, and it seemed to dishonor the experience to just move on to the next speaker. Instead, she told us to meditate or journal on what kind of messengers we are and want to be. I realize that I cannot recreate the reverence of the room on that blessed Sunday where I was about 12 feet from one of my literary heroes. But I hope that you can take about 5 minutes to meditate or journal on even just one of these excerpts, or start writing a new story for yourself. It is the best way I can think of to pass on the blessing of that experience to you, and gratitude leads to generosity.

 

Please share your insights in the comments below.

07 Insignificance

Binaural is the sixth studio album by the American alternative rock band Pearl Jam, released on May 16, 2000 through Epic Records. Following a full-scale tour in support of its previous album, Yield (1998), Pearl Jam took a short break before reconvening toward the end of 1999 to begin work on a new album.

Is It Okay to Cheat On Your Career with Other Careers?

Careers Board Game by Huppypie of Flickr

Careers Board Game by Huppypie of Flickr

 

The promise of a single steady job for life is largely a relic of the past. Not many large companies provide steady employment and constant salary increases until retirement. The only way to gain job security is to generate it for yourself. Careers are not necessarily like soul mates. Having multiple careers is not cheating, but a chance to thrive in a world where job security is no longer a given.

Besides learning (from us) how to successfully and swiftly navigate today’s career transition, microcareers and multi-career paths have emerged as a great way to generate your own job security. Microcareers also called “slash careers,” are hybrid careers where a person takes on a mixed professional identity instead of being beholden to a single profession. This type of professional could be a lawyer by day and a rock star at night, a part-time factory worker and freelance writer, or a web developer and accountant. A microcareer means having simultaneous careers all at once. For instance, I am a business owner, résumé writer, blogger, digital marketer, adjunct professor, beach body coach, and rock star. While many of these professions tie into my larger goal of career management and helping people find jobs they love, not all of my microcareers fit this mold.

Working microcareers is a way to generate multiple streams of income, especially if you are not employed full-time. Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and T. Harv Eker (Secrets of the Millionaire Mind) are two businessmen and motivational speakers who believe that having multiple streams of income is the best way to secure your financial freedom.

In addition to generating multiple streams of income, microcareers also allow you to explore multiple passions. Starting your own business on the side or creating the startup you always dreamed about are very real possibilities. David Williams, the founder of CinemaCake, began his professional life in pharmaceutical sales, but had a passion for filmmaking. One day a co-worker asked him to film her wedding, he agreed and landed his first paying gig. Williams then searched for more clients as he continued part-time event filmmaking on the side. Later he won a local filmmaking contest and his win convinced him that filmmaking was his true calling. As he built his client base, Williams stayed in pharmaceutical sales until he went full-time with his business two years later.

Some professionals prefer a multi-career path over having microcareers. Multi-careers are multiple career transitions made within one’s working life. For example, a professional starts their career as a programmer, but later switches to career coaching. Some people find job security by changing careers every few years. This practice is known as career hopping.

 

Career hopping as a new normal:

Career hopping consists of a series of seemingly unrelated careers. It is not the same as job hopping, where an employee changes employers every few years. A career hop is a complete industry change. Career hopping means making multiple career transitions during one’s working life. For some, their career may no longer be a viable employment option. Others may discover that they no longer enjoy their career and are ready for a change. In my interview with NBC10’s Tracy Davidson, I discussed the possibility of changing careers by applying innate skills and talents to a different role and responsibilities. Many skills are transferable to a variety of situations. Changing careers is a matter of discovering what you like and dislike about your job, applying those skills, and asking your network for help in order to change careers. However, career hopping does come with a major caveat. It is more difficult to brand and market yourself for a single role when you have a multi-career history.

Career hopping is more of a normal lifestyle for most millennials, but not as natural for other generations. Until the Great Recession, it was normal to expect to have career in a single profession and with a single employer. In fact, it has been a complete paradigm shift for older generations who were taught by their parents that hard work and loyalty are often rewarded with stable employment, health benefits, and a pension that will take care of you in retirement. Unfortunately (or fortunately), most of us live in a different reality. For example, baby boomers were hit hard after being at a single job for years and then being forced to find new lines of work. The new reality might not be easy to embrace, but if you can adapt and learn how to successfully navigate and execute a career transition, you will be able to benefit greatly in terms of job satisfaction and increased income from this new work environment.

 

Work/life integration with microcareers:

People used to strive for work/life balance, but work/life integration is the new goal. With work/life balance, people attempt to leave their work at work, and their home activities at home as they seek to give both facets of their life equal weight. Work/life integration seeks to manage work alongside personal needs and both facets of life bleed together. Work and life are not at conflict with each other. You may have the freedom during the normal 9-5 hours to go to your child’s ballet practice, but you will be logging in from home after the kids go to bed. This means working late, not because you have to, but because you are passionate and energized about your work. Microcareers allow for this type of work/life integration because work does not often feel like work.

 

Making the leap to microcareers or multiple careers:

In both cases landing a job still depends highly on networking. You can expand your network and venture into multiple circles. Peter Diamandis, an engineer, physician and entrepreneur best known for founding the X Prize Foundation, firmly believes that having multiple projects equals multiple successes. In fact, it is the third law he created in the Creed of the Persistent and Passionate Mind.  Think of microcareers as the ultimate in multiple projects.

 

Microcareers and career hopping are the new normal in today’s working environment. Having multiple careers is a way to achieve satisfaction, especially if you have a dynamic personality and multiple passions. You are not bound by a single position for your job security and you are free to explore your passions. If you are one of the 70% disengaged from your job, this could be the ticket to reinvigorating your career. Just imagine the creativity, freedom and variety that multiple careers can bring to your life.

 

According to Science, Your Next Job Just Got 2 Degrees Closer

Thanks, Facebook!

Social Network in a course by Hans Poldoja of Flickr

Social Network in a course by Hans Poldoja of Flickr

In 1961, Stanley Milgram, a psychologist determined that we are connected to anyone on earth by just six degrees by conducting several experiments to examine the average path length for the (non-virtual) social networks of people in the United States. The project was coined the “small-world experiment.” In the experiment, Milgram sent letters to 300 randomly selected people in Nebraska and Kansas to one target person, a stockbroker in Boston. The letters could not be directly sent to the target, but had to be sent through someone they knew on a first-name basis who might know the stockbroker. Only 30% of the letters reached their target, but the research discovered that there were about six people connecting each participant to the target. Think of the concept as meeting a stranger and discovering you have a friend in common. As of today, the world has gotten smaller by nearly 2.5 degrees. A smaller world means your dream boss is that much more accessible, and your next job is that much closer, IF you use your network to find your next job.

Later social experiments revealed that you are much more likely to land a job through random acquaintances than through your close friends. You and your close friends all know the same people and share the same information. However, it is through random acquaintances that you can connect with people very far from your social circles. This is the principle in which LinkedIn was founded. It is why the introduction request feature was invented and what makes LinkedIn such an effective job search tool.

 

The degrees of separation have become smaller

Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist who has dedicated his career to improving America’s scientific literacy, stated that because of social networks like Facebook, separation is down to less than five degrees. In 2011 Facebook found that 92% of their users were just connected through five steps and the number has been decreasing.  According to the newest research released by Facebook in 2016, the degrees of separation are just 3.57. (This number only applies to active Facebook users which total about 1.59 billion people.)

We are all closely linked and four (or less) handshakes could connect us to anyone on the planet. Hence why networking is the number one activity to dedicate yourself to when you want to accomplish something, especially job searching. We have constantly repeated T. Harv Eker’s famous quote: “Your net worth is your network.” We believe Eker’s words are worth repeating, because while he is talking about opportunity in general, networking has proven time and time again not just to be the best way to land a job, but to land the job you want.

 

Your next job is closer than you think

A connection at the employers you want to work for may be only a few degrees of separation away through a social network such as Facebook. In fact, it is possible to use Facebook and Twitter to quickly land your next job. Think about it: If you can potentially meet anyone on the planet through fewer than 3.6 degrees of separation, it is possible to make the connections that will help you land faster. These facts are kind of mind-blowing– the world’s population has increased by hundreds of millions, but the world has gotten almost 50% smaller thanks to technology!

 

Nurture your networks

Your connections consist of family, friends, acquaintances, friends of friends, and even strangers where you may have a common interest. They are your network and by tapping into those existing relationships and nurturing them, your network will grow– much like a garden. If you are building your network online, create a relationship with the people you wish to network with by engaging them. The ultimate goal is to move your conversation offline in order to establish a meaningful relationship. Through these relationships, the introductions that will lead you to a desirable job are made.

Take opportunities to build your network by networking in person at job events, industry groups, and even industry events. Go further faster by focusing on the QUALITY of your networks, as opposed to the quantity. Quality networks are built with the people with whom you share an interest. Interests consist of a hobby, a political view, a mission, or a value. We do not want to imply that if you simply shake enough hands (without a common interest), you will land a job. You could shake that many hands and eliminate that many opportunities with the wrong impression. Networking is really about adding value to others and enriching your own life. The benefits or detriments you derive from networking are a byproduct of your approach. Like a garden you nurture, you reap or harvest what you sow.

 

In the early 20th century various scientists proved that the world is small and that we are all connected by just a few degrees. In the 21st century, the world has gotten even smaller thanks to the massive explosion of communication technology. Instead of being connected by six degrees, we are connected by 3.6. Many people tend shy away from networking, but the employers you want to work for are just a few handshakes away. A mere 3.6 degrees are all that separate you from the job you have always wanted. By taking advantage of a rapidly shrinking world, you can expand your network, connect with anyone, and land your dream job.

 

Having Trouble Promoting Yourself? Try an Alter-Ego to Land a Job

Photo courtesy of Gwenael Piaser from flickr open source (NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic: http://bit.ly/1AQcsqF).

Photo courtesy of Gwenael Piaser from flickr open source (NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic: http://bit.ly/1AQcsqF).

Chuck Lorre is a television producer who struck gold as the writer and creator of Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men. Despite his overwhelming career success, the 62-year-old producer suffers from “imposter syndrome,” a psychological phenomenon where people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. In a 2012 interview on NPR’s Morning Edition, Lorre admitted when he writes a script that “stinks” he feels like a fraud, and needs to go and hide. The phenomenon is prevalent among high achievers. Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg even discusses the problem with Oprah.

If we turn the imposter syndrome around for the purpose of job seeking, we have the idea of building up confidence. It is a way to mentally push past the hesitancy of many job seekers to fully promote themselves during the job search. When it comes to searching for a job, many candidates don’t promote themselves nearly enough. Many people balk at the idea self-promotion, and it is easier to talk about the value someone else brings to a future employer than it is to talk about oneself.

As a career coach, I see the connection between people who fail to portray their value as an employee and their lack of career advancements. I also saw as a recruiter that the job didn’t always go the highest qualified candidate. It went to the candidate who was able to build rapport and promote their value. These candidates often negotiated a salary higher than what we were told was “possible.” The prevalent tendency of job seekers is to shy away from self-promotion. It becomes much more difficult to advance your career, or make a job transition if recruiters don’t know about your skills or how you could bring value to their company. Learning to promote yourself means that employers will know the potential value you bring to their organization. Self-promoters understand being able to communicate their abilities, skills, and value as a worker are essential to taking their career to the next level. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the idea of self-promotion, perhaps just consider it a change in your promotional tactics. The trick: create an alter-ego that is your agent and will promote your value.

Consider this 2014 report on NPR: Emily Amanatullah, an assistant professor at the University of Texas, realized negotiation tactics were a difficult subject for women to master. She ran an experiment where she had both men and women negotiate starting salaries for themselves and on behalf of someone else. The results were telling. The women who negotiated salaries for themselves asked for an average of $7000 less than the men. However, the women often negotiated for better starting salaries if they did so on behalf of a friend. Creating an alter-ego to self-promote during a career transition could go a long way toward getting that advancement. If it is easier to advocate for a friend, then why not become that friend?

An alter-ego, or second self has been used by figures throughout history. Many people have used alter-egos to keep their true identities secret, or to compartmentalize difficult opinions or actions. One of the most famous alter-egos of today is Stephen Colbert. In the satirical The Colbert Report, he is an outspoken rightwing pundit. The real Stephen Colbert is very private, claims to be less political and his true personality isn’t very well known. For our purposes an alter-ego would be an idealized version of yourself who constantly promotes your skills and value during the job seeking process.

Self-Promotion Matters:

In my article, “Why some people never get ahead” I wrote about why the lack of self-promotion can cause people to stagnate in their careers. If you’re uncomfortable with letting others know about your tremendous value as an employee, your professional network won’t take notice. The way you portray yourself to your networks can inspire people to make introductions that may lead to enticing job offers. For employers, you could be the solution to their problems. If you’re not out there promoting yourself, not only do you miss an opportunity to advance, but the employer misses an opportunity to secure great talent.

Avoid the mindset that simply keeping your head down and working hard will bring you the advancements you seek. Michael Cruse’s article “The importance of self-promotion in your career,” points out that employees seeking a promotion must act on their own behalf. It is rare that someone in a position to promote you will act as a personal champion for you, especially if they don’t know you’re seeking a promotion. Millionaire author T. Harv Eker writes about the people who believe talent alone is enough to bring them success in his book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. Here is a very poignant excerpt: “You’re probably familiar with the saying ‘Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.’ Well, that’s only true if you add five words: ‘if they know about it.’” Sheryl Sandberg has stated in her book, Lean In, that an internal sponsor is critical to success. It is great to have someone willing to vouch for you, but you also have to be your own sponsor.

In short, self-promotion is the life blood of career advancement.

Creating a self-promoting alter-ego:

How do you create an alter-ego that is your agent? Imagine that it’s not you you’re promoting, but the solution that you provide, on behalf of someone else. That “someone else” could be your child, spouse, other family member, or a friend. Think of your best qualities, skills and talents as theirs, and formulate a plan to promote them. For example, if you’re a project manager, imagine talking up those achievements to get your friend promoted. If the idea of being a family member or friend is too abstract, try simple role-playing. Create an idealized version of yourself, freed from the shackles of your own limitations. You want to come as close to perfection as possible, and you are brimming with endless possibilities. Nothing is beyond your reach. You want everyone to know great this person is, and how they are the solution to employer’s problem. Even the greatest performers have created alter-egos for themselves!

When it comes to the job transition you first have to become your own best advocate. Sometimes it is necessary to create an alter-ego in order to promote yourself. Friends, family and professionals in your network may recommend you, but those introductions will only go so far. And while they love you and want what’s best for you, they won’t even know what to say about you to help you in an optimal way until you can articulate even to them what value you present to your future employer. No one can demonstrate your value to employers, except for you. Self-promotion is the key to moving forward in your career and your finances. Imagine the ultimate version of YOU. The rock star you. The version of you interviewed by Katie Couric. The version of you who travels to exotic places and can make heads turn at a gala. You ARE the center of attention and everyone wants you as the solution to their problems.

Get into the groove of your alter-ego:

Here’s an exercise for you after you’ve created an alter-ego. Create a list of five people who fascinate you and embody the qualities that you most admire. Now, share some of the characteristics of your alter-ego. Does your alter-ego have high energy? Could he or she get a crowd to clap along with you? Is your alter-ego the cool and mysterious type? And most importantly, how do you get into your alter-ego state before show time?

Ziggy Stardust | David Bowie

Song: Ziggy Stardust / David Bowie Footage taken from BBC 4’s documentary, The Story of Ziggy Stardust

Kick butt in your job search – hike with me!

Baby Daisy and I hiking circa fall 2010

Baby Daisy and I hiking circa fall 2010

Can kicking butt in a workout help kick start your job search? We often find ourselves at a creative peak while we are giving our bodies a moderate workout. Recently, a client of mine was following popular advice: incorporating stress-relieving physical activities into a job seeking regimen. I realized I would have much rather had the conversation with her while we were hiking. She ultimately inspired me to combine two of my passions, hiking and career coaching. (I’ll expand on this in just a moment.)

 

The positive link between exercise and mental clarity is well established. Exercise can stimulate the brain by providing more oxygen and releasing hormones that nourish the cells. Furthermore, exercise can increase brain plasticity by encouraging the growth of new cell connections. Exercise alone is a great way to focus your mind and to reduce stress. Even so, the benefits of exercise can be taken to the next level by combining a work out with brain entrainment. John Assaraf is the CEO of PraxisNow, a brain research company, and he has extensively written about brain entrainment and meditation. In his article “Train Your Brain with Meditation,” Assaraf notes meditation allows you to take control of your brain waves, so you are able to focus on your goals. Think of the combination of physical exercise and brain entrainment as a form of kinesiology.

 

Kinesiology is the study of motion and how muscles coordinate to move the body. More broadly speaking, Kinesiology is a form of natural therapy that seeks to treat the mind, body, and soul. As the body is treated individual goals and self-improvement can aid the brain in forming new habits by creating new nerve connections. T. Harv Eker sums it succinctly in Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, “Where attention goes, energy flows and results show.” (By the way, T. Harv Eker’s Millionaire Mindset Intensive, a financial breakthrough event, may be in a city near you! Go. Here – my gift to you – free admission. Visit www.MMIgift.com and enter the Ambassador 2.0 code MMI39526.)

I want to literally take my career coaching in a new direction by combining it with hiking sessions. I’d like to extend an invitation for local job seekers to join me on the trail this Tuesday in Valley Forge, PA at 9:30 AM. This will not only be a hike, but a job search coaching session. I will discuss the value of my coaching and the advice I have to offer. I will cover writing résumés, getting interviews, acing interviews and negotiating coaching. If you have burning job search questions you want answered, if you want to achieve better job search results and momentum, and if you love to hike and want a GREAT way to leverage a physical activity for your job search, please join me on 9/30 at 9:30. RSVP here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/job-seekers-hike-tickets-13284300701

Only 15 spots (to ensure I can answer everyone’s questions.)

The initial event will be free, but I expect to move administration of the group to Meetup and will be charging a nominal $5 per person to cover the administration fees for subsequent Hiking/Job Search Coaching events. Depending on the size of the group, the event may be weekly, biweekly or monthly.

This hike will be moderately challenging. Check with your doctor to make sure you are physically able to participate in this activity.

You should understand that when participating in any exercise or exercise program, there is the possibility of physical injury. If you engage in this exercise or exercise program, you agree that you do so at your own risk, are voluntarily participating in these activities, assume all risk of injury to yourself, and agree to release and discharge Epic Careering from any and all claims or causes of action, known or unknown, arising as a result of participation in this event.

 

Drama is Alive and Well on Facebook

Results for Pinterest search for "negative people"

Results for Pinterest search for “negative people”

 

Sometimes, we have to “cut the fat.” Success teachers of every kind will advise you to eliminate negative people from your life, though they recognize that it’s not so easy to do.

 

“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.”

― Joel Osteen

 

“Rich people associate with positive, successful people. Poor people associate with negative or unsuccessful people.”

― T. Harv Eker

 

“Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate.”

― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

 

Even Deepak Chopra can only offer strategies to deal with certain types of negative people and promotes avoidance of other types whenever possible.

 

Because social media has transformed our social lives into data that can be tracked, avoidance can get pretty tricky.

 

At a Facebook workshop I was teaching to a group of real estate investors, a question unrelated to business was asked: “If you un-friend someone, will they know?”

 

The answer: They aren’t notified, but there are many ways to find out. I described how they will see you comment on a mutual friend’s or family’s post and they might go to post on your profile or send you a private message and notice that there is an option to friend, as though you aren’t already friends.

 

Thanks to God’s uncanny timing, I saw this post by an unnamed friend yesterday:

 

“So, today, I found out that one of my friends in real life had ‘unfriended’ me some time ago on FB. This person is an ultra left wing liberal, an ardent Obama supporter, and we would often get into it when they would post memes and misinformation that were either pro Obama or anti-Republican… I was wondering why I was no longer seeing any posts from this individual, and noticed a comment from them on a mutual friends post. I wanted to congratulate them on something that had recently happened in their life, and was going to message them, when I realized it said I should send a friend request…What I find so amusing is that I have NEVER unfriended someone because I disagree with them politically…If you only keep friends who agree with you, if you can’t defend your position against someone who is well informed on the issues, your life is going to be pretty boring, and you will never expand your mind to new things. I still love this person, I was quite surprised by this behavior. I guess I just won’t love them on Facebook anymore! Just sayin!”

 

And a comment….on Facebook…regarding the evil of Facebook:

“I think FB is the worst thing they invented; people fight, argue, break up, all of this stupid site, and when peoples feelings get hurt, instead of trying to discuss the situation, then the texting begins, i cant take the drama, the BS, and all the crap that goes with it, so I hear ya, and I know how it feels; i get taken off as a FB friend for less then that, and I take people off too for whatever reasons, its all this stupid FB stuff, sometimes i take my page down for a time, cause i dont want to see all the negativity, and I actually feel better without seeing it, just saying too.”

 

Is this an added layer of social rejection? Is it better to remain blissfully ignorant about what people say about us behind our backs?

There were three or four workshop attendees who were hesitant to expose themselves to potential ridicule and undue drama. When you see an emotionally charged exchange like this, it’s hard to blame them.

 

I made the argument that fear is a powerful and justifiable emotion, but we have to carefully evaluate how much we let it make decisions for us. Because, really, what’s worse? Limiting our success and stifling our growth, or not being liked and accepted?

 

Here are a few authors who actually did it – they left Facebook for “good:”

http://www.forbes.com/sites/elizabethlopatto/2014/06/30/you-should-quit-facebook/

Why I quit Facebook and we are sharing much more than you think

 http://theradicallife.org/the-real-reason-to-quit-facebook-and-10-what-ifs

 

Did the shift hit the fan?

Metro-north_mudslide_MTAPhotos

I was surprised at some of the backlash from my last blog. For the most part, actually, the feedback was positive. Engagement, via comments and social media invitations, was quite high. However, because some of the negative feedback came from folks I know, I felt it more. It was almost as if people read the article and thought I was giving the finger and making lewd gestures. People seemed shocked and surprised.

 

Was this that much of a deviation from my usual style of writing? I know for certain audiences and outlets the advice I give is less personal and more practical. Was this too revealing? While I was NOT the person being lewd and giving the finger, I had admitted to acting “ugly.” I feel more authentic being able to admit that, but perhaps it does damage some previously held opinions of me. The thought of this was alarming, because the backlash came from a population of people who were generally very confident in my abilities and even advocated my services to other people. These people I considered among my target audience – highly successful IT executives in prestigious companies. I was really worried that I might have alienated part of my audience with the bold content. I still am – it gives me a knot in my stomach.

 

After a few hours of contemplation, I concluded, perhaps falsely, but comfortingly, that people who have it together, have a successful career, act maturely and are under control at all times – they may not get it. They may surround themselves with people who are like-minded. They may consciously avoid people who seem to be a “hot mess.” They may cut off communication with someone who offends them in some way. They may have seen me as someone who has it all together and who acts professionally at all times. As much as I want to, I just won’t live up to that ideal.

 

I’ve certainly come a LONG way, but I can’t kid you – with two testing toddlers at home, having it together takes everything I have, and sometimes more! If you walk by my house at certain times, especially when I’m trying to get the girls out the door, you will hear someone who sounds desperate for control (and I have some lungs, too!) I’ve been grieving 6 losses in the last 3 years and have had 3 loved ones hit by cancer for their 2nd time. When these feelings are on the surface, I don’t have a lot of access to my emotional fortitude. I can break down from time to time.

 

It felt good to stand in that road rage story, take accountability and show people that you can create a great day and a great life with a choice in perspective. I felt like that whole incident had such purpose. It was divinely inspired for me to share with other people so that they could be inspired.

 

Maybe some people don’t want to be inspired? Or maybe what inspires them are stories of greatness that contain only positive details and highlights. Maybe they are successful because they have mindfully avoided people’s head trash. As a coach, however, I dive right in it. I like to sort through it and examine it. I am ever-present to the fact that being successful isn’t as easy as following the right steps. I mean, it could be, but how many professional athletes would we have if it was just a matter of mechanics? It isn’t! Any Philly sports fan recognizes that, while their team has tremendous talent and ability, they get into slumps. They choke. This isn’t because they forget the mechanics of their sport. It’s because performance is more mental in nature than mechanical.

 

One person had asked what my last post had to do with job seeking. Good comment, and perhaps it isn’t obvious to someone who has it together and has been gainfully employed for 10+ years what dealing with adversity and reframing a negative incident has to do with job seeking. I had hoped my reference to the Ron Nash blog would make the answer to this obvious, but his anecdotes were directly about a job interview and mine was purely about a bad interaction with another driver. Even so, an IT executive in a large company isn’t exactly on the front lines of hiring. From being a recruiter, I know the challenge of hiring has less to do with finding qualified candidates and more to do with finding qualified candidates that have the right attitude who would represent us well to our clients and make us look good, to put it bluntly.  The people who make things happen and achieve greatness usually do so as a result of their people skills. Once candidates get to the hiring manager, they have usually passed the professional and personal screens, having been qualified on hard and soft skills. This is a small percentage of the population – too small!

 

Meanwhile there’s a huge population of people with talent, skills, and education who, for one reason or another, learned habits and ways of thinking and being that are unproductive to their success.

 

This is who I mean to inspire. This is who needs tools in their life to help them apply with greater impact the power of the talents, wisdom, intelligence, and enthusiasm within them. These people need to know that facing adversity and being flawed is not a reason to accept defeat. My services are mostly aimed at helping with the mechanics of job seeking, but I am immersed in and partnering with thought leaders who focus on the mental aspects of success, such as John Assaraf, Tony Robbins, T. Harv Eker, Jen Groover, Brian Brogan,  Ron Nash and Derek Rydall.

 

From a popular post I had up from May 8, which received heavy engagement, I know people are still very upset about the unemployment situation in spite of improving numbers, which they don’t trust, for the most part. Long-term unemployment, disengagement from job searches, discouraged workers – this is still epidemic.

 

Herein lies my mission. I don’t want to alienate these successful IT executives, because I like them, and because they’re in positions to hire my clients and be my clients. They certainly can be helped by my services and I feel great about the impact that I can make on their career, but they don’t need to be saved by my services like the growing population of underutilized talent.

 

So, while I am in alignment in my mission sharing such personal content, I am conflicted and fearful about losing the confidence and rapport that I spent many years building. Do I have to make this sacrifice to move further in my mission to shift the current paradigm of job seeking and hiring? Is this the byproduct of choosing authenticity?  Or, am I truly just sabotaging myself and my success by being inappropriate and seemingly irrelevant, diverting from practical career guidance?

 

These discoveries are unsettling, however perhaps it is perfectly natural. Some say that you know you’re doing something right when you start to get publicly criticized. I’d like to ask the people who consider themselves paradigm shifters how they deal with such friction between old worlds and new ones, if that is indeed what is happening here. Can anyone share?

 

 

Why some people never get ahead

Businessman crossing the finish line by Meridican of Flickr

Businessman crossing the finish line by Meridican of Flickr

I found an excerpt this week that I wanted to share because I so often run into hesitancy among job seekers to portray their value at the level that is necessary to inspire their network to make powerful introductions and entice employers to make optimal job offers.

While I certainly relate to the inclination to be meek and humble (a Catholic school lesson I took way too literally when I was bullied and teased), the cost is often too high. Not only does the job seeker suffer, but so do employers who really need what they have to offer. People who offer tremendous value deserve really great jobs. The whole economy suffers when people who perform their job well fail to connect with companies, and when companies are challenged in identifying great talent mostly because they only see who is in their direct line of vision.

The book is called Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. I have posted before about his Millionaire Mindset Intensive, which I recommend (go to www.MMIgift.com and enter the Ambassador 2.0 code MMI39526 to get a FREE ticket!). Most people there had already read this book, but I am doing so now. What T. Harv Eker aims to do with his book and the MMI is to help you diagnose the thinking patterns that keep you from realizing your financial potential and direct you in rewriting your patterns to support your success, thereby resetting your financial “thermostat.”

The excerpt below may help those job seekers and careerists who experience discomfort around self-promotion understand the source, which may consequently unlock them from the limits that these emotions put on their career growth and salaries.

“Resenting promotion is one of the greatest obstacles to success. People who have issues with selling and promotion are usually broke.

‘It’s obvious. How can you create a large income in your own business or as a representative of one if you aren’t willing to let people know that you, your product or your service exists? Even as an employee, if you aren’t willing to promote your virtues, someone who is will quickly bypass you on the corporate ladder.

‘People have a problem with promotion or sales for several reasons. Chances are you might recognize one or more of the following.

‘First, you may have had a bad experience in the past with people promoting to you inappropriately. Maybe you perceived they were doing the ‘hard’ sell on you. Maybe they were bothering you at an inopportune time. Maybe they wouldn’t take no for an answer. In any case, it’s important to recognize that this experience is in the past and that holding on to it may not be serving you today.

‘Second, you may have had a disempowering experience when you tried to sell something to someone and that person totally rejected you. In this instance, your distaste for promotion is merely a projection of your own fear of failure and rejection. Again, realize the past does not necessarily equal the future.

‘Third, your issue might come from past parental programming. Many of us were told that it’s impolite to ‘toot your own horn.’ Well, that’s great if you make a living a Miss Manners. But in the real world, when it comes to business and money, if you don’t toot your horn, I guarantee nobody will.  Rich people are willing to extol their virtues and value to anyone who will listen and hopefully do business with them as well.

‘Finally, some people feel that promotion is beneath them. I call this the high-and-mighty syndrome, otherwise knows as the ‘Aren’t I so special?’ attitude. The feeling in this case is that if people want what you have, they should somehow find and come to you. People who have this belief are either broke or soon will be, that’s for sure. They can hope that everyone’s going to scour the land searching for them, but the truth is that the marketplace is crowded with products and services, and even though theirs may be the best, no one will ever know that because they’re too snooty to tell anyone.

‘You’re probably familiar with the saying “Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.” Well, that’s only true if you add five words: ‘if they know about it.’

‘Rich people are almost always excellent promoters. They can and are willing to promote their products, their services, and their ideas with passion and enthusiasm. What’s more, they’re skilled at packaging their value in a way that’s extremely attractive. If you think there’s something wrong with that, then let’s ban makeup for women, and while we’re at it, we might as well get rid of suits for men. All that is nothing more than ‘packaging.’

‘Rich people are usually leaders, and all great leaders are great promoters. To be a leader, you must inherently have followers and supporters, which means that you have to be adept at selling, inspiring and motivating people to buy into your vision.”