Archives for moving forward

5 of 7 Methods of Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs for Career Breakthrough, Part 2

Stella 4 by Abir Anwar of Flickr

 

Don’t be too surprised to discover that there have been deep-seeded beliefs that have been making decisions for you. This is a blessing and a curse of our brain. The most important thing to realize is if these beliefs are serving our optimal growth or inhibiting it.

I shared 20 limiting beliefs that I discovered about money, wealth, abundance and worthiness. This was critical for me to uncover, because while I had a record year last year and feel I turned a corner in my business that will enable me to bring game-changing solutions into the world, I would have already liked to have these solutions into the hands of the people who need them to move forward in their career. Then they would already be making a bigger, more meaningful difference to the people they lead and the causes they move forward.

I also shared 3 of 7 methods I have learned from mentors, coaches, and even healers from over the past nine years to overcome limiting beliefs that direct our actions and become habits that run on autopilot unless we interrupt and replace them. We might as well start there:

 

Interrupt, replace, reinforce

Like a couple of the methods I shared last week, Dr. David Bach’s simple yet effective method incorporates the mind-body connection, but starts first with an awareness and manipulation of your physiology, rather than your mindset. His objective is to help us stay in the “zone,” or “flow” of high performance consistently, but it will start very gradually as you practice and become more mindful, building good habits as you go.

As his first volunteer, I was skeptical that I would find it so easy. I came to an event where he was speaking in a state of frustration and disappointment with me. At the time my daughters were three and four, and had tested my patience prior to leaving, making me late, which always makes me frazzled. My patience failed. I absolutely hate leaving my girls on bad terms. I was less interested in how to be a business superstar, and more concerned about being a nurturing, patient mom who did not inadvertently instill limiting beliefs in my daughters (though I feel at some level I am bound to – I already teach many of these methods to them).

He had me come up and reenact what I was like when I was the “ugly” mom, as I called it. There, in front of mostly strangers, I had to reveal how I am that makes me the most ashamed. For the sake of my daughters, and science, I bent over at the waist, pretending my knee and thigh high daughters were standing in front of me. My lips pursed, my eyebrows narrowed toward my nose, my pointer finger shook, and with a raised voice I asked a common question, “How many times do I have to tell you to do XYZ before you actually do it?!” I looked up at the 45-50 or so people there to find that they were looking at me just as my daughters do, a bit frozen and afraid. Face flushed and hoping for some mercy, I was very anxious to put an end to this horrifying display and be told the solution. First, he pointed out my body language, how I was standing, and my closed off, jerky movement. Then he asked everyone to notice my strenuous facial expression and tone of voice.

Then he had me reenact what I’m like when I am in the flow with my daughters. I had to remember a time when I felt like I was “winning” at parenting. Sadly, I realized that these moments were few and far between. I did recall, however, a time in the past week when I figured out how to inspire my girls to cooperate and complete a task joyfully by turning it into a game. I stood up straight, even leaning slightly back, I was talking with a smile, and my eyes, also smiling, were wide with excitement as I explained the rules of the game, as well as the prize, in a higher pitched, but softer voice. Again, he pointed out my body language, facial expression and tone. It was the same posture that I tend to embody when I am speaking, singing, or teaching – tasks that I enjoy and when I feel most in the flow.

For one last demonstration, he asked me to ask the same question of my daughters, with the same tone of voice, but while I was maintaining the body language and facial expression of the second reenactment. It made me giggle. It felt so unnatural. He pointed out that it was impossible to be both at the same time. I have since learned from other teachers that you cannot be in a positive state of mind and at the same time be in a negative state of mind. You can switch back and forth, but this is why when you are scared, if you think of something that makes you happy, the fear disappears, at least temporarily while you hold the happy thought.

So his technique is to notice and manipulate your physicality to mimic the same physicality you embody when you are in the flow, every time you notice you are not in the flow. Just like any new habit, it will take repetition to reinforce, and you may find it harder to practice under times of stress. You may even choose NOT to practice at times. Be forgiving of yourself, as feeling bad about relapses does not at all contribute to improvement in any way, but forgiving yourself (and others) has been scientifically proven to improve your body and mind chemistry.

The point is to gradually increase your awareness and practice until it becomes automatic. New habits will seem impossible at first, as your brain resists change, and there will be a stage where you will question your desire to continue, even as you start to see benefits. If you persist, however, you will eventually reach a stage where it just feels natural, and you no longer have to work to perform your habit. Hal Elrod broke habit forming into three stages – unbearable, uncomfortable, and unstoppable.

If you have anxiety or depression, while this is not a cure by any means, it is an exercise that will help minimize the secondary and tertiary physical repercussions of those conditions.

 

Timeline Therapy

If you identified beliefs, but have struggled to remember the moments and events that generated them, or you remember the moments, but they cause you great grief, trauma, or fear, you will want to find a certified or licensed practitioner of this approach (I am not, yet). There have even been successes using this method to alleviate and eliminate allergies.

Like I shared last week, many human performance optimization professionals insist that you have to confront the source of pain before you can really move forward and create a new future. Timeline therapy is like mental laser surgery where, while in a trance state, you float backward through your timeline to hone in on those moments you may have buried or find hard to confront to reframe the event and create a new belief that services your highest good.

Again, you will want to engage a licensed professional, especially if these moments are traumatic. Be under someone’s care. I will just outline some of the steps involved in timeline therapy.

  1. Close your eyes and, with eyes closed, look up slightly (this induces an alpha brain wave state)
  2. Take a deep breath in; without breath, visualize 3 three times; Repeat with 2, then 1
  3. Count down from X to 1 (depending on your experience with meditation)
  4. Without analyzing, imagine you are flying above your timeline and you have located the moment this anomaly was born
  5. Move to the time 15-minutes before it happened
  6. Think of three OTHER possible meanings or causes this event could have
  7. Choose one that serves you best and drop it, as if you are downloading it, into the timeline in place of the event that caused the anomaly
  8. TEST: Does this anomaly still resonate as true?

 

Next week I will share the two final methods of this series, but this is by no means an exhaustive list. In fact, I have a list of 30+ different exercises, some of which are meant to activate the Law of Attraction, though all are intended to help you achieve breakthroughs in your performance and results. I will eventually share them all, and I am currently deciding if I will share these in a second 30-day transformation e-book, if I will include them in a 30-day or 3-month online group course, or if I will hold local live events and focus on one method per event. I may wind up doing a combination. If this interests you, please share which venue you prefer.  Also share if you try any of these methods and your results or lack thereof.

 

Getting life back on track after personal tragedy

Angela is a talented Junior Writer on the Epic Careering team. This week’s topic was very personal to Angela, so I invited her to guest post. Because I have seen my clients through so many more life changes than just job changes, from births to deaths, I know that the challenge of finding a job is not met in a vacuum; it is met in the stride of and sometimes against the stride of other life challenges. I trust that her experience will be inspiring to those of you who are facing multiple personal traumas and tragedies. 

Photo courtesy of Yamanaka Tamaki "mud boy in the rice field" - Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) (http://bit.ly/stuckinmud).

Photo courtesy of Yamanaka Tamaki “mud boy in the rice field” –
Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) (http://bit.ly/stuckinmud).

I stared at the wall, unable to process the task of getting my life back on track. It was mid-February and I just learned my sickly father would soon pass away. The news hit me like a train. It turned my carefully structured life upside down. As I was in the process of getting the details from my sister on the phone, another call came to deliver the news of his death. Just like that, my father was gone. I was left slightly shocked and dumbfounded. All of the plans I had been making for a job transition came to a grinding halt. My father lived out of state, so bringing him back to Pennsylvania wouldn’t be a quick task. I waited a week, and was told by my sister that his funeral service wouldn’t be until September. That’s a long time to wait to say my final goodbye. In the meantime, there was the matter of getting back into the job search.

First I decided to give myself time to grieve my father’s passing. All work that I deemed unnecessary was put on hold. I took time to feel sadness, loss and to appreciate the time I had spent with my father. Additionally, if I needed to turn my brain off, I wasn’t above playing a video game or catching up on a few TV shows. During past hardships I told myself that pursuing my hobbies seemed inappropriate, but by denying myself a way to escape from my grief, I only made my sadness worse. Because I wasn’t burdened with the task of handling my father’s funeral preparations, I allowed myself to mentally decompress.

Most of my mental decompression consisted of putting my emotions into a box when I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t want to shut myself indoors, nor did I want to think about how upset I felt. Storing my emotions helped me get through the first few days. When I felt better I allowed myself reflect upon my father’s passing, and how he affected my life.

Growing up, I wasn’t very close to my father. I lived with my mother, and she raised me as a single parent. Before I reached my teenage years, my father reached out to me. From the time he came back into life and until his passing, he spent much of his time trying to build a relationship with me. I didn’t appreciate or fully understand his efforts until I reached adulthood. The major lesson I learned from his efforts is that it’s never too late attempt to mend what has been broken.

These broken things can consist of relationships, dreams or even failed efforts. The result may not be perfect, but the process of trying can yield fruitful results. Not trying only builds up a sense of resentment and regret. In the case of the relationship with my father, had he not tried to be a part of my life I would have known very little about him. Worse yet, I doubt I would have cared much if word of his passing had reached me. He didn’t raise me, so why should I care? Because of his efforts, I had fond memories of him as a teen and as an adult. Personally, it took me about three weeks before I felt up to the task of getting back into the job search.

A job loss can be like losing a loved one:

The sudden loss of a job can carry as much impact as losing a loved one. The process of unexpectedly being let go by an employer can bring about fear and anxiety. A part of you is missing. Self-identity, self-worth, your co-workers and a sense of stability can all disappear in a flash. The future seemed so certain and now it is unknown. Additionally, if a job search fails to land a job, depression and discouragement can set in. These factors can make it difficult to resume a career. Even when the job search resumes, the first few rejections can put you right back into the grieving process. The process can trigger a downward spiral of demotivation. The chances of moving on to something better seem more distant and settling for less than what you’re worth becomes all the more tempting. The past seems brighter than the future ever will. The feelings of powerlessness can be strong, and there are days when seeing the light at the end of the tunnel seems like an impossible thought. The light is there, but the effort it takes to reach it can be daunting. Opportunity rarely falls into our laps. Taking the effort to get your life back on track ensures that you can create the opportunity to advance in your career after a loss. In my case, I asked Career and Income Optimizer Karen Huller for job seeking advice to help get on track after being derailed.

Don’t ignore your emotions:

Karen succinctly told me “what we resist persists.” In other words, it is crucial to allow yourself to experience negative emotions. Feelings of sadness, rejection, doom and even listlessness are common. If you need time off to grieve, or come to terms with your situation, take it. Allow yourself to decide how long you’ll remain upset by the situation. The benefit of setting a period of time for yourself is that you’ll have the power to eliminate the feelings of letting people down, not doing enough, or the sense that you should be doing something. This gives you the breathing room you may need to continue the grieving process, unhindered by life’s responsibilities. As I said earlier, it took me three weeks before I was ready to resume my life. You may end up choosing to take a few weeks or a few months to get back on track, depending on the severity of your personal situation. A personal tragedy may shape short and long term events in your life, but it doesn’t define your worth.

Getting back to a sense of normalcy can be a great first step. In my case, I had suspended my job search, but I continued to work part-time at night. Part of me found it comforting to stick to a normal routine among my friends and co-workers. At the same time, I felt a surge of sadness whenever anyone came up to console me about my father.

Getting back into the swing of things:

Getting back into the job hunt was a little harder. The first task was to back on a daily schedule, including reconnecting with my social networks, networking, and targeting potential employers. In short, putting the train back on the rails is critical to moving forward. I’m not going to say the transition was entirely smooth; chipping away at my goals is a much better alternative to not doing anything at all.

I strongly believe in moving forward in life, no matter how long the process may take. When the darker side of life comes into play, it can be easy to become depressed and discouraged. On a personal level, it doesn’t take much for feelings of meaninglessness and worthlessness to capture my psyche.  It is a constant battle between optimism and pessimism. Staying still and wallowing in my own grief for too long of a period of time is like sinking into mud. The longer I allow myself to sink, the harder it is to free myself from the quagmire. Pressing forward to reach my goals allows me to keep my pessimism at bay and to get myself unstuck. The more the pessimism fades, the easier to it is to see and create opportunities in life, especially when it comes to the job search.

I’m fond of the biblical teachings about adversity in the New Testament. In short, it’s not if adversity strikes us, but when adversity strikes, and how we choose to endure and overcome it. For some of us, it may be a minor blow and for others adversity can be as powerful as a punch that knocks them flat on their back. All your efforts you’ve undertaken to create a good life can be scattered in instant. The process of getting back on track can be daunting. No matter what, it is important to deal with feelings of loss, to take the time needed to cope, decide how long to cope, and get back into the process of reaching the career goals you’ve set for yourself.