Archives for goal setting

Difference Between Excuses and Obstacles

 

My oldest daughter, Daisy (8), is very bright and pretty strong for a string bean, so when she gives me excuses as to why things aren’t done, it’s really hard to except them. Usually, I push back telling her that I’m confident that she can solve the problem and get the job done, whatever the job is.  When she is forced to come up with a solution and finish the job, because it’s not getting done for her, she does find ways to solve the problem. Often she’s so proud of how she solved the problem she forgot that she didn’t want to do the job in the first place.  I really wouldn’t be doing her any favors by doing everything for her. It’s not my job; my job is to help her become a self-sufficient adult.

When she starts to complain that she can’t do something, she gets in trouble, because “can’t” is not a word I allow in my house. It’s always “I don’t know how yet.” I don’t know when she’ll learn, but if it’s the only thing I teacher, she will learn to know the difference between an excuse, an empowered choice, and an obstacle.

Excuses don’t serve anyone.

As we’re going into the third week in January, many people find that their resolve starts diminishing while others notice some desired improvements and that changes are easier this week than they were last week. It’s make or break time for your new habits, and I want to share something that will make you more self-aware of when you might sabotage yourself so that you can overcome what makes 80% of people fail at keeping new years resolutions.

This year will be different for you!

How Elrod, author of The Miracle Morning, breaks out the stages habit forming as such –

Unbearable >>  Uncomfortable >> Unstoppable

During all of those stages, however, life happens. Until a habit is an automatic, unconscious choice, we have to constantly make decisions to follow through. Our brain doesn’t like change and constantly tries to help us get out of it. We have to be aware of this if we are going to override it. Pay attention to your self-talk during these decisive moments. You may just notice a pattern that has stopped you multiple times throughout your life, which gives you the potential for tremendous breakthroughs in every area of your life. Keeping a journal is a great way to track, measure and improve how frequently this self-talk interferes with keeping long-term goals.

When you notice this, start to reverse the self-talk in support of the long-term goal.

For instance, one thing I’ve noticed I have said in those moments:

“You deserve a treat. Don’t deprive yourself.”

But I also deserve to be happy and healthy, and if I’m not currently happy or healthy and the short-term desire doesn’t offer me long-term health or happiness, it isn’t offering me the SUCCESS I deserve.

I am not saying that I should deprive myself all the time, but the more I notice this thought and decide that I will delay gratification and treat myself in a way that will still enable me to keep on track, the less frequently I will give in to this self-talk.

Keep the long-term desire as visible as you can. Write it down or print out visual queues and post them where you are sure to see them frequently. It will be easier to keep your brain motivated toward the long-term goal versus whatever you think you want in the moment. You are 1.2 – 1.4 times more likely to achieve your goals if you do this.

Some things we have to legitimately prioritize higher than our goals and take care of, such as health emergencies. It’s not an excuse it is an empowering choice. Still, I know from my own personal experience that in the midst of goals in life challenges to achieving those goals, I probably gave up too soon on too many. That is not an empowering feeling.

A question I now ask myself and my daughter if I feel that I have to choose between an urgent priority and a long-term goal is, “Did I try everything? Is there a way to do both?”

For instance, my daughters and I came down with a chest cold last week, the second week I should have been back on my walking schedule after winter break. Usually, I walk the kids to school at least 4 out of 5 days and on 3 of those days do an extended 5K walk back home. It’s winter, but it was REALLY winter last week – windy and cold. I made an empowered choice to drive in the morning and afternoon. That could have been an excuse to not exercise at all. I even looked it up on google “Can you exercise with a chest cold?” What I found was that exercise in moderation is really good at helping to break up chest congestion. So, I did a dance class Monday and some yoga with resistance and basketball Friday.  Those days in between I just needed extra sleep. I did what I could, though.

If I had learned that exercising with a chest cold is bad, I would have made an empowering choice to rest.

Today, I’m back on my walking schedule. It actually feels harder to restart a goal than to start it in the first place, as Gretchen Rubin points out in Better Than Before.  It’s probably because you are more discouraged this time knowing how life got you off track, but if you can fight through to start again and keep up progress, you are more likely to get back on track in the future and reach your long-term goals.

In fact, if you can accept from the get-go that you will be able to roll with whatever life throws you and get back on track when challenges occur you will be less likely to see them as discouraging. And, had I not exercised in spite of not walking, my self-confidence and self-talk would make it that much harder to get back on track, because the problem would have been me – not my chest cold or the weather.

If the available data turns up no potential solutions, you are at an impasse – an obstacle. Don’t let the word fool you, though. Obstacles are almost always not permanent and new data and new solutions still may be possible. This may be when you ask for help from an expert, but you have to pick an expert who understands the nature of your particular obstacle.

For instance, if your parental responsibilities keep interfering with your ability to keep commitments to yourself around your goals, you need someone who has successfully navigated parenthood AND reached the other side. Furthermore, if you are a single parent, getting advice from a parent with a partner will not sound credible to you.

If your resolutions are career-oriented and you have any of the following challenges or obstacles, I can help you exponentially increase your chances of achieving your 2019 goals – set up a consultation:

On the job (Schedule a consultation):

  • Teams that resist change
  • Drama and lack of collaboration
  • High turnover
  • Frequent sick time
  • Lack of creative solutions
  • High disengagement/low productivity
  • Not attracting high caliber talent

In job transition (Schedule a consultation):

  • Unclear goals
  • Lack of results for time invested
  • Lack of responses
  • Always the runner up
  • Hate job seeking
  • Difficulty getting motivated
  • Not knowing what to do each day

Best wishes for an extraordinary 2019!

I get knocked down (Chumbawamba – Tubthumping)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business, will be an Associate Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department in 2019,  and is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

Shake Off Shame of Unmet 2018 Goals Before You Set New Goals

 

If you have any amount of ambition, you set goals.  Setting goals can be formal and structured, even coached, or it can be just a daydream that becomes an intention. If you do the former, then you have a written record of your 2018 goals. If the latter, take a bit of time right now to write down what you had hoped to accomplish in 2018, even if it was progress toward something you hope to happen in 2019 and beyond.

It’s time to review them before you set new goals for 2019. How does this make you feel?

If you’re excited to take them out, then you probably feel like or know that you have been consistently disciplined and motivated in taking action toward your goals, so you are probably confident that you reached all or most or came pretty close.  Take a look at the goals you didn’t achieve and if you experience any physiological changes when switching from your achieved goals to your unachieved goals, read on. If not, just keep doing what you did, and consider teaching it to the 97% of people who don’t engage in formal goal setting.

If you feel hesitant, if there is any inkling that you are afraid to look, you are already experiencing shame about potentially unmet 2018 goals.

It’s okay.  Just notice how you feel and note your awareness. There’s no sense in feeling shameful about feeling shameful. Give yourself 90 seconds to really be with this emotion. Notice where in your body you feel it.  It might be your forehead if your unmet goals lead to worry about the consequences. You might feel it in your shoulders and neck, or your chest or your stomach, but don’t be surprised if pain shows up somewhere unexpected, like a knee or fingers.

Once you’ve taken this time to allow these emotions to be, feel proud that you honored these emotions. Feel your heart open and send thoughts of gratitude for this new awareness, which you will use to set goals that are achievable and in alignment with your highest good.

Take a deep breath in, imagining that the new breath is new resolve, and then breathe out focusing on the spot where the sensations were the most intense and imagine the emotion is being channeled out. Take two more deep breaths, imagining that the resolve is now filling the space where the emotions were.

Now that you have allowed this energy to be in motion (“e-motion”) you will be able to review last year’s goals with a clearer mind and less judgment, which will enable you to better assess why you really didn’t achieve them. This is what’s really important in setting new goals that you are more likely to achieve.

If you don’t allow your energy to move, you might be inclined to be defensive and look at circumstances that prevented you from achieving your goals, which is fine, but ultimately leaves you disempowered to circumstances.

If you allow the shame to move through you, you can more clearly see where you could have been at cause for the outcomes, good or bad. It will be easier to take accountability without feeling self-blame. You become a better problem solver because you are now dealing with a reality you control, so you set up systems that enable you to achieve your goals, even with unfavorable circumstances. Take into consideration these and other potential circumstances, and make the plan now on how you will deal with them in 2019.

You may have already heard that you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals when you write them down. Additionally, Harvard Business School found that the 3% of MBA graduates who wrote down their goals earned 10X more than the 97% that didn’t over a 10-year period.

There are a ton of great goal guides and calendars or you can break down your goals into various project parts and milestones and put them into a project management app that will send you notifications like Asana.  You may also use the SMART method that I taught business students at Drexel University. You can also engage a coach like me to give you extra customized guidance and provide you with monthly external accountability some people need to maintain their progress.

Elle King – Shame (Official Video)

‘Shake the Spirit’ available now: http://smarturl.it/ShakeTheSpirit?IQid=yt iTunes: http://smarturl.it/xShame/itunes?IQid=yt Apple: http://smarturl.it/xShame/applemusic?IQid=yt Spotify: http://smarturl.it/xShame/spotify?IQid=yt Amazon:http://smarturl.it/xShame/az?IQid=yt Tidal: http://smarturl.it/xShame/tidal?IQid=yt Google Play:http://smarturl.it/xShame/googleplay?IQid=yt Follow Elle King: https://www.facebook.com/ElleKingMusic https://twitter.com/ElleKingMusic http://instagram.com/elleking http://elleking.com/ Directed by: Dano Cerny

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business, will be an Associate Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department in 2019,  and is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.