Event

Networking 301 for the Network-Disabled: Creating Magic in the Moment

Allow me to recap some important lessons from Networking 101 and Networking 201 on networking for the network-disabled:

#1. Networking, at its best, is not a means to an end; it’s a life-enriching exercise that allows you to find and build relationships with people you like, care to know better, want to see more often, want to support, and who want to support you too. It’s about quality, not quantity.

#2. Networking beginners can ease their way into networking and get great results by finding groups whose purpose is in creating connections, or social or special-interest related groups where there is a shared vision, mission, or hobby. 

#3. In order to optimally leverage your network to create opportunity, inform them on how your uniqueness creates hard business value and emotional benefits, AND demonstrate your value by creating an opportunity for them. [A formula and question script was provided last week.]

#4. Making new connections does not mean you have to ditch your old ones.

#5. Go to events with an idea of who you want to talk to, what you might ask/say, and what outcome you want most, but stay open to unexpected experiences and people, too.

Now let’s start with a new lesson:

Being magnetic in a moment is a reflection of how well you have cared for and valued yourself. 

No matter how comfortable you try to make networking as a beginner, it still requires you to be vulnerable, open, and brave.  With practice and reinforcement of positive results, you will build confidence, naturally be open to trying more new things, and become more immune to people who are not receptive. Until then, self-doubts you have are most likely going to emerge, and you will have to consciously overcome them. 

They show up in the following ways:

  • Beforehand when you look through who are attending, speaking, and sponsoring, and you question if/why any of these people would really want to speak with you. 
  • As you are mentally rehearsing it going exactly as you want it to, but remember previous awkward moments and wonder if you’ll be able to pull off being cool or if they’ll see right through you.
  • When logistics of going or arriving on time get complicated or screwed up and you wonder if the universe is trying to tell you to stay home so you can save yourself from some disastrous experience.
  • As you arrive and realize you forgot the names of the people you want to meet and what you prepared to say. 
  • When you spot the person you want to meet, but they are surrounded by other people vying for his or her attention and you wonder, again, why you would be of any interest among all those other people and what you could possibly say to make yourself memorable among them.
  • As you leave, even though you might feel proud and happy with new connections you made, you start to review your conversations over again in your head, wondering if you said something offensive, if you used the wrong word, said the wrong name, or if they’ll find out you really don’t know as much about something as you tried to make it seem. 
  • When a conversation leans toward opinions on potentially divisive or controversial topics or other people, and you wonder if you’ll put your foot in your mouth.
  • When you go to follow up and you realize that, if this person doesn’t respond, you’ll be wondering what you might have done to turn them off, if you’re likable, or if you came off as negative, uninteresting, needy, nerdy, etc. 

If it sounds like I’ve been there from the level of detail I gave, the answer is, “Oh yes”. And, even though I have a thriving network and have been teaching others how to network now for 13 years, these thoughts still pop up. I have just become better at recognizing them and shutting them down. I also realized that I don’t want to shut them down all the way since I could do quite a bit with self-hypnosis to replace these thoughts with more self-affirming thoughts. Self-affirming thoughts are good, and I believe we could all use more of them. However, my personal growth goal is to become even more emotionally intelligent and self-aware. So, I’d rather be better at distinguishing what I say and do from who I am, and be more conscious of having conversations that enhance rapport and add value.  I also have to know when to leave the past in the past and move on, or I could analyze myself into anxiety. 

I certainly don’t mean to scare you. Knowing ahead of time when lapses in self-confidence can occur enables you to apply some of the following tools to quickly recover and put yourself back in action to make good things happen. 

Tool #1: Breathing

You’ve probably heard this one before, but you could probably benefit from being reminded. It’s simple, but not always easy to remember in the moment. Stress and anxiety are contagious. Taking in deep, slow breaths is the fastest way to calm your thoughts and your nervous system, and to lower your blood pressure. The increase in oxygen to your brain will also enable you to exercise better judgment, minimizing those cringe-worthy moments. Take a little trip to the bathroom or a mini-walk outside, if possible, and notice how much better you feel, which will make people feel better around you.

Tool #2: Affirmations/Mantras

If talking to yourself sounds stupid, remember that you do it anyway. Sometimes what you say to yourself is worse than what you would ever say out loud to anyone else. When you notice those thoughts of self-doubt, replace them with affirmation. For example, if you start to wonder why anyone would want to take time out to return your phone call, literally ask yourself this question, then answer as though you were your biggest fan. “I have great ideas and genuinely care about helping others achieve their goals.” Over time you may notice some thoughts of self-doubt are more frequent than others. Journaling really helps increase your self-awareness of this. Adopt an empowering mantra that you can repeat several times a day every day. 

Tool #3: Your Biofield

There is still so much to learn about the biofield, which is an energetic emittance around our physical body. It has been proven to exist and can be detected and measured by machines, but can’t be seen with the human eye, much like the earth’s atmosphere. Our biofield reacts and responds to other people’s biofields, as observed at a cellular level. Much in the same way anxiety and stress are contagious, so are other emotions. If we want to inspire affection of others, we can heighten our own affection for and connection with others by tuning into those emotions. Take a moment to imagine that pure love is emanating from your heart and reaching out to each and every person in the room. Imagine yourself accepting them with all of their imperfections and qualities, and that they have the capacity to accept you, too. It doesn’t hurt to send out a mental wish as you do this, that the people who want and need you will reveal themselves and make a connection with you.

Tool #4: Humility

Competitive people may find that they get more immediate results by putting themselves in a competitive mindset, but aggressive tactics can backfire in the long run.  I had advised you to create a goal and turn it into a game, but that’s only to infuse fun into the activity. If you put too serious of a game face on, you may muscle some people into taking the next step, but find a lag in follow-through. 

Too much confidence is a known rapport blocker.  Overcompensating for a lack of confidence can be perceived as overconfidence. People will genuinely relate to you more if you don’t pretend to be anything you’re not.  You’re likely to elicit more support and help by admitting that you’re nervous, not sure what to say, or that you’re new to networking.  

If something comes out of your mouth that you wish you hadn’t said, call yourself out on it.  Get yourself back into a high intention. Ask for a re-do. Most people find that people who take accountability for their mistakes are more trustworthy than those who defend themselves.

If it’s too late, learn from it, and leave it in the past. The Hawaiian practice of ho’oponopono has really helped me to stop driving myself crazy with regret and remorse, especially when there’s no opportunity to apologize and make things right. It’s also very simple. Repeat:

I love you 

I’m sorry

I forgive you

Thank you 

Tool #5: Trust 

Trust that the perfect moment will present itself, but in the case it doesn’t, decide on a make or break play. I can hear other coaches now, “No, no, no. They have to make it happen.” Well, let’s call this an experiment. I have found that when I intend to go to something to meet someone and find that many others are vying for their attention, if I force something to happen it feels forced – not genuine or memorable in a good way, and not a great start to deepening a connection. However, if I instead reassure myself that the perfect moment will unfold and decide to enjoy conversations with other people in the meantime, synchronicity is in my favor and, not only do I get to have an interaction with the person, but there is a more welcoming space and context, a more natural flow of conversation, and more enthusiastic and specific follow up that leads to mutual synergy. I’m also calmer and tend to attract better-unexpected connections. 

I tested this at the MindValley Reunion in 2017.  Instead of pushing my way to the front so that I could find a good seat first when they opened the doors to let us in for speakers, I trusted that wherever I was in line, I would find a good seat. I got a front-row seat twice and within the first five rows all except for one time out of six. I also got to meet five of the speakers in serendipitous encounters where no one else was competing for their attention. Vishen even stopped to ask me a question (after he whiffed on my high five – yes – I tried to high five Vishen, and I forgave myself.)

You don’t have to be suave, a world-class conversationalist, or the most interesting person in the world to expand your network. You don’t have to have the noblest of goals to inspire people’s help. You don’t have to be any particular way, any status, or be at any particular stage in your career. You can just be you. Of course, take the steps to be your best you, but everyone has off moments, and they don’t define you. However, the people that you meet have the potential to help you create a life that you do define. If you never take the chance of meeting them, you automatically eliminate that potential. 

Next week, we’ll cover how following up best practices convert momentary magic into long-lasting opportunity. 

Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door (Original)

Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door (Original Video 1980)

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She is an Adjunct Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department and previously was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business  She is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

MindValley Reunion = Mind Blown!!

Part 1 in the MindValley Reunion=Mind Blown series, which continues next weekSunday morning my Uber driver asked if I was going to church, and I replied, “No.” That wound up not to be true at all.

It will be very challenging to portray exactly how immensely powerful this weekend was for me and 800 other people from 40 different countries. So, I’m going to break it into a series, starting with a summary of the sequence of speakers at the MindValley Reunion in San Diego.

First, let’s start with what is MindValley? That’s a good question, but a better question is WHO is MindValley.

Before this weekend I would have the told you that MindValley was a personal development publishing company led by a bold and forward-thinking pioneer, Vishen Lakhiani. Now, I realize that I am MindValley, and so are all my new friends, including some speakers that I have admired for a while now, as this company is much more about community and connecting than anything else.

Now, let me tell you how my Sunday experience turned out to be like church, but better.

It started out with a moving keynote from Don Miguel Ruiz, legendary author of one of my favorite spiritual teachings, The Four Agreements and his son, Don José Ruiz, co-author of The Fifth Agreement. This was the most moving keynote I have ever seen. 1600 eyeballs were streaming with tears in awe of the simple wisdom being bestowed upon us.

 

A couple hours later, world renowned hypnotist Marisa Peer, who I have shared with you , guided us through four modules of her Rapid Transformational Therapy, a program she co-developed with doctors to instantly rewire your neural pathways and reverse the toxic beliefs that keep you stuck in a life that doesn’t nearly reach its potential. It teaches you to be your own therapist.

Then after another brief encounter with Donna Eden’s (the world’s leading practitioner of energy medicine) husband, David Feinstein, who had been a traditional Psychologist until he met Donna, I ate lunch with Donna’s daughter (I didn’t realize this until after she and I exchanged compliments and she left) and as well as 3 medical doctors (an oncologist, a general surgeon/Functional MD/Cosmetic Surgeon and an infectious disease specialist). They had been eating with David, but he was just finishing, and when I learned that the medical doctors were sitting and conversing with David, I was really sorry I missed that exchange! Donna and David later demonstrated and led us through very simple and quick energy exercises that anyone can do to restore your body to balance and full energy. I needed that after Marisa dredged up some memories that left me a bit heavy.

 

The next speaker was not as spiritual, but he was moving, and has been a highly rated speaker, including for Tony Robbins, Eric Edmeades. He made us laugh, and gave me something to aspire to when it comes to standing for others’ transformations in my marketing and sales.

This was just ONE of TWO days of mind-blowing experiences.

By the end of this weekend I was (am) seriously considering an opportunity to move my family to Estonia for a month for an immersive educational and cultural experience for all of us.

I made friends with people from around the country and the world, including from Canada, Australia, Ecuador, Peru/Denver, Brazil, Lithuania, and I am sure some other countries.

Saturday started by having breakfast with a fellow coach, who gave me rights to share anything I want from his huge library of content, and he recommended 6 different resources to check out. He was my hero, because he found the cups for the coffee. I really needed it to absorb the concepts shared thereafter.

The speaker lineup Saturday started with someone who’s tips I have been sharing with my business students to help them craft compelling stories that will get them hired, AND, I got to tell her that. WOW!!! AND… She’s now my coach!! If you don’t know who Lisa Nichols is from her appearances on The Secret, Oprah, Steve Harvey, The Today Show, or any other myriad of appearances, you will! She knows how to move you into action, take away ALL your excuses, and make you realize how divinely precious your life is. I was furiously taking notes (through tears) so that I could capture her words, eager to share them with you. It won’t have the same impact, because, well, there is something incredibly different about being feet away from someone who can look you in the eye, touch your shoulder when she walks by, while you can also feel everyone around you reaching a new level of living, I have learned. Just, WOW!

 

Then it got very cognitive, in a global consciousness raising kind of way. Jeffrey Allen, former Department of Energy Engineer, now Energy Healer, shared how we evolve, denigrate into different states of living. That’s not what he called it, but his point was that we are all moving as a species and a planet toward a higher vibration, and there are two ways it can go, we can destroy the planet fighting trying to stay where we are, or go with the flow and surrender to the forces pulling us toward a higher state of mind.

The next speakers were introduced as the world’s sexiest grandparents, and, well, they must be. I can’t say too much about the topic, as it was racy, and the speakers asked that we keep the content among us, but I am hoping to apply the tips they shared and experience a whole new level of enjoyment in my life.

Lastly, Vishen himself spoke about how we can reset humanity based on 5 teachings from a scientist, a writer, a naturalist, a philosopher, and a mystic.

In the coming weeks’ blogs, I will be expanding on these teachings (except for the racy one,) so if you couldn’t be there with me, at least you can benefit from the amazing content shared.

In the meantime, I highly encourage you to check out MindValley and all of the amazing transformational programs they seem to launch on a daily basis, and keep your eye out for them, as they are quickly becoming a worldwide leading authority on transformational technology and experiences.

If there is anything in your life you would want to improve, they probably have a program for that. [Actually, they don’t have a program for careers. They do on purpose, but not careers – I’m hoping to change that!]

 

Have you ever been to an event that changed your life for the better?

Jamiroquai – Blow Your Mind

Jamiroquai’s official music video for ‘Blow Your Mind’. Click to listen to Jamiroquai on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/JamiroquaiSpot?IQid=JamiBYM As featured on High Times: Singles 1992 – 2006.