Blog - Career Coaching, Personal Branding, Résumés, Social Media Strategy for Career & Income Optimization

The Low Down on Willpower: Why It’s Often Not Enough and How to Compensate


Here’s what we know about it: It’s limited, but with the right motivation and the right conditions, it can be THE thing that helps you create the change you want in your life.

But what if… you didn’t get enough sleep one day? What if something stressful happens in your life? (That’s inevitable.) What if your blood sugar is low one day?

The right conditions for willpower can be very tricky to control all the time.

Gretchen Rubin, aficionado of good habits and author of several great books on forming habits, has pointed out that forming one good habit tends to eventually create a ripple effect of other good habits. One of the reasons is because willpower is like a muscle, and if you exercise it regularly, it gets stronger over time. Another reason is because our brains release dopamine when things feel good. When change feels good, we crave more of it.

However, using willpower can consume so much mental energy that we become less effective at work, in our workouts, or at solving problems. Have you ever noticed when starting a new diet that you feel more exhausted or less competent? As I already stated, you can gradually build up a larger and larger reserve of willpower, but you have to overcome those conditions on a very regular basis.

Another great point by Gretchen Rubin is that forming a new habit is so consuming because you have to constantly consciously make the decision to NOT engage in the bad habit and TO engage in the good habit until the new habit becomes automatic and you no longer have to even think about it.

My biggest frustrations as a coach were when my clients simply would not do what I was advising them to do. In my early years, this took a toll on my relationship with them, as I would grow very frustrated. By digging deep into the everyday individual challenges of engaging in a new activity with integrity from my own perspective and getting some coaching in emotional intelligence, I developed a greater sense of empathy and compassion. As much as my clients appreciated my patience, compassion, and validation of their feelings, it kept them comfortable in their challenges instead of moving them past them.

In my quest to be the most effective force for personal transformation I can be, I was left with a couple of nagging questions:

  • If our conscious efforts can so easily be sabotaged and have such a cost, what can we do to get our subconscious to be on board quicker so that new habits become automatic?
  • If being tough and no-nonsense doesn’t inspire change in my clients, and being too compassionate doesn’t inspire my clients to change, and I know that they want change, what is the right balance to use and the right tools to use that will help them love themselves through the change and create a safe space for them to transform?

As a leader, have you ever asked yourself these questions? The drive of a leader is to oversee the development and transformation of others into leaders. I have to imagine that all leaders have discovered the same strengths and shortcomings of tough love and compassion. Finding the balance takes trial and error and experience. Even with the wisdom of experience, we have to be able to apply that wisdom when conditions, like lack of sleep, low blood sugar, stress, are present.

For the answers, I turned to science: neuroscience and psychology. What they have discovered in the past 10 years negates much of what we knew prior and a lot of what I learned in college, but some fundamentals remain. Planting roots for good habits is still very much based on the cognitive learning methods of positive and negative conditioning, but we are finding that negative conditioning has some detrimental side effects that contribute to mental health declines, even though it appears to be more effective in the short-term. This is why positive psychology branched out as a practice in 1998. Public perception of this practice has held it back, as people believe that positive psychology is merely about “thinking positive,” which many struggles to do with much regularity. Much the same way, the media/Hollywood and a few mal-intended practitioners of NLP (like hypnosis, but using regular conversation to induce trance) have given hypnosis a very bad reputation.

Take the highly-nominated Academy Award film Get Out. Ugh. It’s a shame that people will not seek out a solution with such potential to change their lives for the better because they believe this portrayal of hypnosis as some malevolent form of mind control. I have already had people claim that hypnosis is “too invasive.” If you watched this film, I couldn’t blame you for getting that impression, but you must realize that this was a movie created by the imagination of Jordan Peele. You might also get the impression from watching this film that white people are wackos, or that Peel thinks so. You might not know that Peele is half white himself.

The truth is that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis, it’s a way to get you into rapport with your subconscious mind, and if I were to give you suggestion under trance that was out of alignment with your values and morals, you would come out of trance. The other truth is that I am not using hypnosis to impose my will on you. I was trained to make sure that the ecology and well-being of the client come first, and your words are the most effective words I can use, so before a session, I am capturing how you feel, words you use and what you want most for your life post-session.

I had to clear up my kids’ perception of hypnosis, as they have seen cartoons where characters bark like a dog. I did see a hypnosis show in which fellow college classmates did some crazy things, but those were the same people who would be seen doing crazy things without the influence of hypnosis, and perhaps under the influence of something else that would lower inhibitions. I noticed that the hypnotist sent some people back to their seats. These were the people who would not have wanted to do something crazy.

Psychology was my career of choice as a high school Junior. But someone had said to me that people become psychologists because they’re crazy themselves. This turned me off to that career path. I don’t regret my communications concentration – it had a lot of cross-over and I certainly use it heavily as a coach. However, I know enough now to feel certain about the contribution that I can make with hypnosis, and I’m not going to let the perceptions of a practice discourage me from promoting it and using it.

You may decide that it’s still too mysterious, or that you want to build up your own willpower muscle. I believe that it’s an admirable endeavor, especially if you can afford the time it takes to do that.

If, however, you can’t afford to take a lot of time, or the pace at which you need change has to keep up with the pace of business, technology, life, etc. consider hypnosis as a safe, natural alternative to a fallible, limited reserve of willpower.


Schedule your individual session here:

For corporate change initiatives, including leadership transformations, e-mail to schedule a consultation.

Ben Harper – The Will to Live

The Will to Live (1997)

10 Steps to Being the ONE Who Gets the Offer: Avoid “Bland Brand”

Day 102/365 by markgranitz on Flickr

Most people don’t get the job. Only one. How do you set yourself up to be that one from the get-go?

It’s your brand. This isn’t just a buzzword, and it’s not something created out of thin air. In fact, you have one whether you are intentional about it or not. Only, if you haven’t been intentional (which is the “I” in EPIC,) it may not be a brand that positions you for what you want, and it might not be noticed by people in a position to give it to you.

Getting it noticed is a step ahead, step 3, though. Let’s just focus now on what you need to ask in order to assess your current brand, which is really how people think of you. Then you can bridge the gaps to include what people really need to understand in order to see that you are special, deserving, and ready for the next step.

[To go back a bit, Step 1 is Focus – I covered that in a video I shared recently, but it’s no longer available.]

Step 2 to landing your dream job is Branding. For job seekers, this means taking that focus on what you want to do most and who you want to do it for, and understanding what your ideal employer needs to know about you to help them quickly determine that you are a person of extreme interest and unique value.

A powerful brand creates a sense of urgency, because if a hiring manager sees your value, so will someone else, and that means that you could be an asset to the competition any day now. That’s a double loss to a company!

The average résumé and LinkedIn profile describe functional duties – what you were responsible for or in charge of doing and what your day-to-day, weekly and monthly duties were.

Do you think presenting yourself as average will attract the attention of your dream employer?

For that matter, will you attract the attention of any employer? Only if that employer is okay with average employees. What kind of job security can a company with average employees offer you? Will you be satisfied working with average people who produce average results? You may, and to each his or her own. My clients would not be, but that’s why they choose to work with Epic Careering. If you aren’t striving for Epic, you aren’t a potential client. This post could still help you, because even if you want an average job, you still need to land it, and you still need to be slightly better than average – otherwise, how is an employer to choose? I can just see them doing eenie meenie minie moe with résumés now.

(By the way, and this may seem obvious, so forgive me, but in order to be seen as an attractive candidate, you first have to be seen. Don’t depend on online applications for this, but again, that’s step 3.)

A. In order to assess your current brand, it’s best to ask others who know you well: What kind of reputation do you think I have?

When people give you generic answers, such as, “You’re a team player,” or “you are results-focused,” get them to be more specific. For example, when it comes to results, ask them to define the kinds of results that you generate, or how they can tell you are focused on results. If they praise you on your ability to work with a team, ask them what they think makes you good at working with a team. These are a couple examples of where and how to dig deeper, but the kinds of responses you might get are limitless. The key is to keep honing in on your UNIQUE way of being valuable in ways that many, many people are valuable. Don’t settle for answers that most people give, or you will wind up sounding like everyone else. That’s a kind of brand, but not the kind that gets the offer – that’s a bland brand.

B. Now you have to take a look at the kind of people that your ideal company wants to hire. Find a company that meets 80% of your criteria (which were developed in Step 1 – Focus.) How? Pick the most critical of those criteria and determine where companies who meet that criteria can be found.

For instance, if you want your company to offer excellent health benefits, Google “companies that pay 100% health benefits.” This worked for me. You may want to put in your state or city, but even if a company is headquartered in a different location, they still may have subsidiaries or locations near you, or they could have remote positions.

C. Visit their employer page to see what they say about the kinds of talent they attract. The better ones will have employee testimonial videos. You’ll still want to rely on other sources. Go to LinkedIn, search for the company, opt to see the employees on LinkedIn. You can sort by titles that resemble the ones you would want. Check out various profiles to see where else people worked, where they went to school, and what they have achieved at work and in their community. You may even see if those same people are on other social media, like Facebook or Twitter where they may share more candidly and you can find out more about the kinds of personalities the company attracts.

D. Look for trends. Write down what you find. What are the common backgrounds, personalities, and achievements that have enticed this company to hire in the past? Do you feel like you fit in?

That’s a loaded question, since most of us suffer from “imposter syndrome.” Let’s assume that these are people that you think you would like to work with, and therefore you would fit in. It’s generally true that traits we admire in other people are those we possess or strive to possess, and therefore are authentically us. We just need some evidence.

E. Take the list of common backgrounds, personality traits, and achievements and put them in a T-table so you can compare with what you possess. Keep in mind that you may have to look outside your previous work experience to find evidence, since we don’t always get the chance to express or apply our innate strengths on the job, or we do and it’s not appreciated. If we’re going for EPIC, we’re assuming that your strengths, talents, and personality will be embraced and leveraged. That’s what makes you feel ALIVE at work. [Let’s also assume that you’re well compensated for them.]

F. Here is where we get more specific and start to build your brand case. The achievements, education, and skills are the more tactile to compare. However, when it comes to personality traits, it may be more challenging. Asking for assistance from those who know you well can really help speed this process along, as vulnerable as it might make you feel. You need to discern what your unique way of demonstrating these qualities has been.

G. Once you have all of the data, synthesize it, and distill it into 4-6 branding points – no more/no less. You need a solid foundation on which to build your content, and you want to make sure you can be clear and consistent across your résumé, LinkedIn profile, biography or any other media you might use to share your brand.

H. Put them into priority based on for what you want to be appreciated most.

I. Each branding point needs a story to prove it. The higher priority branding points need to be proven more frequently, and more recently.

J. Use the following formula to flesh out all the details of your story

> Situation (the conditions that existed that necessitated a change)

> Challenge(s)

> People impacted and the impact (pre-solution)

> Decision made

> Action taken

> Skills, talents applied

> tools used

> people involved

> results (in measurable terms whenever possible)

> impact (how that trickled down to other people)

K. Take the most impressive components of each story and build a bullet, starting with an action verb, that highlights them for your résumé. You may not accommodate each part of the story for résumé bullets, but you can save that back-story for your LinkedIn profile, helping you create a completely complimentary brand story between the media.

If these steps have already overwhelmed you, and you feel that in the time that you would take to complete all of these steps you could have made good money, do what highly successful people do and leverage other people’s expertise and time.

Engage us and we will:

  • Ask all the pertinent questions
  • Understand your target employer’s hiring criteria
  • Ensure that your new brand resonates with them and creates a sense of urgency
  • Get granular and specific about which makes you unique
  • Synthesize and distill all of your qualities and experience into 4-6 branding points
  • Write your summary to distinguish you among any other equally or more qualified candidates
  • Compose branded bullets that PROVE you are a MUST-CALL candidate
  • Craft complimentary content that presents a clear, consistent and compelling story that inspires action


If you like these steps, consider yourself a talented writer, and love the do-it-yourself model, I recommend investing in our very fun bullet builder, summary builder, LinkedIn profile builder and our proven template: These put all the creation in your hands without the guesswork that can lead to costly (time and $$) trial and error.

The Smiths How Soon Is Now?

Album: Hatful of Hollow / Year: 1984 / Written by Morrisey and Johnny Marr / Produced by John Porter Lyrics: I am the son and the heir Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar I am the son and heir Of nothing in particular You shut your mouth How can you say I go about things the wrong way?

Why Hypnosis? Answer: Disruption – For Real

Meditation by Johan Bergs on Flickr

Eight years ago I watched a video during my pregnancy called The Business Of Being Born. Learning about the cascade of interventions and how they can lead to further complications was frightening. I vowed to give birth under as many natural conditions as possible, avoiding all potential UNNECESSARY medical interventions, including, but not limited to an induction, epidural, vacuum, episiotomy, and C-section. I was already seeing midwives at a birth center. A client who was a midwife convinced me of its safety and the dedication of the staff at this particular birth center, which was right across the street from a hospital. I decided I needed some help keeping my body AND mind working in my favor, to control my environment internally and externally as much as possible, so I invested in a $500 5-month course called Hypnobabies.

It worked, not just once, but twice. I might not have been too good at staying calm and relaxed the first time, stretching labor with Daisy to 5.5 days with back labor. Even so, I delivered naturally, without drugs (not without pain; I was just able to manage it,) and without any other interventions. I’m certain that had my plan been to deliver at a hospital, they would have induced me when I showed up the day after my due date and labor slowed down rather than send me home, even though it was perfectly safe to labor at home as long as it took, since my water had not broken. The midwives, however, sent me home, advised me to get sleep if I could, and I came back two days later with much better progress. Daisy was born 5 hours later perfectly healthy.

During the second time, I was more effective at USING the contractions (reframed as “pressure waves” during the program but I reframed them again to “progress waves” for the 2nd birth) to accelerate labor to active labor; I delivered Adelaide within hours at the birth center, without drugs and interventions.
The course was actually training me in self-hypnosis so that I could induce hypnosis with the drop of a finger. This turned off my conscious mind where all my fears are to allow my subconscious to be a better partner to my body and allow things to happen naturally.

So, I already had a great confidence in hypnosis and had invested in courses and CDs for other things after that, such as increased focus and intuition. I have been studying related topics, such as neuroscience, guided imagery, creative visualization, meditation, etc., focusing on scientific evidence of efficacy in much more depth since then.

It’s not what you see on TV or at shows. It’s not mind control; it’s natural.

Ultimately, here is why I finally became a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist:

As my clients have grown more willing to allow me to talk about other areas of their lives, I have grown ever more acutely aware of how intertwined our career is to other realms of our lives and vice versa. If a client was not able to land a job using the best practices, it was often because of an issue in another area of life.

During this epiphany, I realized that I need to be MORE than just a career coach if I want people to get where they want to go. I saw this in my own life too: A breakthrough in one area will start a cascade of positive impacts. Conversely, a limit or problem in one area can bleed into other areas of my life, holding me (and you) back from having what we really want in life, and wasting days of our lives that we could be happy, but instead we feel miserable and powerless.

The good news: Our mind is immensely powerful, and there is a lot that can be done to leverage the mind to create the change that leads to happiness. However, out of all the modalities I studied and tried over the years, hypnosis is the fastest way to access and leverage the mind’s power.

Why? Because hypnosis works with the subconscious mind, where we learn, store memories, operate automated body functions, and program habits.

Too many coaches focus on motivation and willpower. Some people are naturally inclined to be willful, but too many more have to fight the brain’s natural inclination to resist change. Without hypnosis, achieving change for the majority is a struggle. It’s an unnecessary struggle. Hypnosis makes change easier, meaning you have to rely less on willpower to overcome the mind’s resistance. Instead, the mind is working in your favor!

My sense of urgency to help MORE people create meaningful change NOW has continued to grow, as has my desire to impact more realms of life than just career. AND, if I can help you become your best self (which I can,) you can then also bring the best out in others, and then there are optimally creative and powerful minds working on the big issues together.

Also, the more I learned about the applications of hypnotherapy, the more I thought about current epidemics that it can help tackle, besides career disengagement, like:

>> Mental health issues, since most of the mass shooters and suicide victims were found to be on psychotic drugs for conditions that can be relieved by hypnosis (in conjunction with proper Psychological treatment)

>> The opioid crisis, since hypnotherapy has proven successful in alleviating chronic pain

>> Obesity-related disease, since forming better eating and exercise habits is integral to proper weight management

>> Stress-related diseases, which may as well be all of them since stress decreases your body’s own ability to heal itself

I really could go on and on….

What Science Supports This?

Besides what I mentioned above, a lot!

In the 1800s, before chloroform and other anesthesia, the surgery mortality rate was 80%, and patients died most frequently from infection, shock and/or fear. Hypnosis was attributed to lowering the fatality rate for surgeries by 10%. (10 years later ether was found to be 90% effective and hypnosis was abandoned.)

The American Dental Association includes hypnosis among methods dentists and dental students can use for pain control and sedation for patients undergoing dental procedures.

Freud, before he founded psychoanalysis and created a branch between psychology and hypnosis, studied at an elite school for hypnosis.

Hypnosis was accepted by the British Medical Association in 1892. In 1958, hypnosis was accepted by the American Medical Association as an ORTHODOX medical treatment. In fact, medical doctors and psychologists committed to helping patients find relief from a variety of conditions and chronic pain refer patients to hypnotherapists. It works in complement to boost the efficacy of standard medical or holistic treatments.

American Psychology Association has endorsed hypnotherapy as an effective method for pain relief, treating anxiety, forming good habits, and breaking bad ones, such as smoking. The British Psychology Society published a paper as recent as 2001 citing “convincing evidence” that hypnosis is effective for the same.

Other scientifically proven applications for hypnotherapy:

  • Improves memory – This is why meditation and hypnotherapy is now sometimes taught to post-graduate students
  • Dizziness in advanced cancer patients – Of the many symptoms that decrease quality of life, dizziness is one of the biggest, and it can put the patient at risk of injury, leading to further decreases in quality of life
  • Palliative care (end-of-life care) – Reducing anxiety can prolong life while also making the last days more comfortable and enjoyable

Why now?

Have you ever lost a loved one to an untimely death? I have. Two years apart my sister-in-law died at 51 and then my nephew died on his 28th birthday. We don’t know how much time we have. I see the pace of change accelerating, and I want to do everything I can while I’m on this earth to keep the trajectory going in a positive direction. That’s my calling; it’s my mission. It compels me.

Have I Changed Careers or Turned Against Coaching?

Absolutely not! I still believe fully in coaching and the advantage of having an objective guide to help identify blind spots so that you know for what to receive hypnotherapy. Plus, hypnosis is just one of many tools now in my tool belt, and it is not a cure-all (or a cure.) It still has to be applied responsibly and appropriately! There are things from my coaching experience that have taught me that what appears on the surface can be very different than what lies beneath. Some hypnotherapists without this experience may take things at face value, and treat only what appears on the surface, when what lies beneath is at cause and, potentially, in need of greater medical, psychological or specialist expertise. I will continue to qualify my clients as good or bad candidates for my solutions, because it is of utmost importance to me that they get what they came to me for: meaningful change.

Ready for change NOW? Schedule a session!

Corporate leaders: How many employees do you think are putting off doctor’s appointments, leading them to miss more work days in the long run, or failing to adopt healthful or successful habits? Invite me in for a workshop for dramatic improvements in collaboration, creativity, performance, and productivity.

Ella Fitzgerald / You Do Something To Me

No Description

Where Else Do You Experience Limits, and What More Can I Do?

Daniel Cukier on Flickr

It is said that how you do one thing is how you do everything. I first heard this from T Harv Eker. I personally have found many exceptions to this rule in terms of “everything”, but this insight has proven helpful in helping my clients.

For instance, if a client had yet to reach their full potential on the job, it could be because they had yet to have the opportunity to apply an innate strength. So while they may not have been approaching their job and their career by using their strengths, I can look for clues into their personal life and projects to see what their strengths are, and how they can start applying them to their job and career to bring them to the next level.

I can also look at other realms of their lives where they have not achieved their ideal vision and get clues as to what could be holding them back in their career.

For instance, if a client has not yet found love because they have a distrust of other people. Does that distrust of other people lead them to not delegate what needs to be delegated at work? Does it impact their leadership abilities or relationships with their boss and coworkers?

If someone has a low number of connections on LinkedIn and claims to not have a rich network, a reason has been that they had a low level of self-importance and figured people would not want to connect with them. This same low level of self-importance can also hold them back from pursuing promotional opportunities.

Many of my coaching coaches have taught me that we as coaches have to stand for other people’s transformation when they won’t, because it is truly what they want when they come to us, and what holds them back from investing in themselves is what will keep them from reaching their goal.

I have had two types of coaches give this advice; one encourages employing coercive sales tactics, but even if I want to stand for people’s transformation, I can’t bring myself to fight against someone’s will. It’s not in my nature and hasn’t had a good outcome for me.

Other coaches have helped me understand that I need to make my offer of help a no-brainer – affordable, flexible payment plans, tons of bonuses, free stuff, and money back guarantees.

This makes so much more sense to me, but even though this is what I’m offering, and I know people desperately want to land quickly in a job that makes them feel alive, appreciated, and well-paid, I am surprised at how few people watched the free module of my group coaching program that I offered (and am still offering until the group is full –

I have received some really great feedback on the free module, and people have expressed how much they want in, but have yet to pull the trigger.

While I know that what is holding them back is most likely the thing that is holding them back in other areas of their lives, and as a result of going through this program, they will gain new awareness and tools to not let that stop them anymore, I have to take accountability – there’s something I failed to get across, something I failed to communicate, something I failed to offer.

Help me out ­–

If you truly desire some kind of improvement in your career, what is stopping you from taking the first step of watching every module, and also taking the steps after that, which I have made as simple, easy, and fun as possible, requiring a lot less of your time than a conventional job search.

From my perspective, I have removed all possible objections that you might have to creating that change.

What am I missing? Why have you not acted yet?


Please comment or private message me.

Foo Fighters – Best Of You (VIDEO)

Foo Fighters’ official music video for ‘Best Of You’. Click to listen to Foo Fighters on Spotify: As featured on Greatest Hits.

ATTENTION: Career Underdogs; I Challenge YOU To Become A Career Champion (2-day challenge starts NOW!)

Trophies by Steven Lilley on Flickr

To the desperately unemployed or underemployed, the week-to-week barely surviving, and the ones who feel like if it weren’t for bad luck, they wouldn’t have any luck at all:

I challenge you…

….to the Cheeks in the Seats challenge! Don’t worry…. this won’t cost you any money…but it will take something – DETERMINATION.

I am sharing the free replay of the 1st module for the new and improved 2x as fast Dream Job Breakthrough System.

(It’s here: )

I PROMISE you that I will teach you something you never knew before! I know – bold promise.

I know a lot of career coaches give a lot of the same advice, and there’s nothing wrong with reinforcement. You probably KNOW what to do. BUT, if you haven’t yet gotten where you want to go, you need a new approach.

What you will learn is the KEY to DOING what you know you need to do. I’m not just going to tell you that you have to do it, I’m going to teach you to flip the switch on your motivation – that thing you need to actually do it.

So, I want you to watch the replay PRONTO (it comes down next week, AND…

>> I deliver and teach you something you never knew, AND…

>> You want to continue learning and applying a system that helps you get MORE interviews and offers with LESS time and effort (and frustration and disappointment,) THEN…

Share the link to the replay with as many people as possible. If you can inspire 4 people to invest in the system, your seat is earned.

I can appreciate the position you are in. It is clear you need some help getting out of it, and I want to help you.

It’s psychological and purposeful that I want to do it this way.

You need to start remembering and realizing your power, so I am going to give you the opportunity to make this happen for yourself.

Another reason: When you have earned it, you will be that much more engaged and invested in following the system.

I’ve been doing this long enough to know how to optimize outcomes. If you’re going to do this, I want you ALL IN!

Prove to yourself that you can make something happen if you want something bad enough!

(The coaching starts now!)

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get 4 others to invest in the program. So, this would be like if I paid you 25% commissions on sales you make.

If you get even more, I’ll give you one-on-one coaching, up to what you earn. Because of your prolonged suffering, I suspect that you need one-on-one time with me to unravel the ropes that weighs you down and holds you back.

My best advice for reaching this goal:

>> Make a list of all the people you know who complain about their jobs, their bosses, their companies, etc… (If you come across someone else in the same situation, I will offer this opportunity to them, but time is of the essence!)

>> Make a list of all outlets/channels you can use

Suggestions: Your network (BTW you really need to start adding people to your LinkedIn network!,) LinkedIn groups you are in or can join, professional organizations, special interest groups you are in (hobbies, sports, kids’ sports), personal social media networks, alumni networks, etc.

>> Touch base individually with those whom you feel know a lot more people who could benefit – Recruiters, Super networkers, Life coaches, people who volunteer a lot

>> Tell people in your own words the value that you got out of this. I know you don’t want to share your situation – that’s very personal! You don’t have to do that. What realizations did you make? I must have said something you’ve never heard before. Sharing something valuable is a way of demonstrating that you ARE valuable. There are more people out there who need the breakthrough that this system makes available. Help me change their lives for the better so that I can change your life for the better.

Are you in? If so, I will create an affiliate link for you so that we can track all traffic you generate.


Why the Eagles’ Story is Everyone’s Story

Philadelphia-Eagles (Reebaok Bag) by G Talan on Flickr

Philadelphia is a cynical city. Years of disappointment in our sports teams, being stuck in between the global behemoth of New York City and the country’s capital like the neglected middle child, and, well, our reputation for demonstrating anything but brotherly love has brooded a victim mentality.

It’s tough to be an athlete in our city. When our athletes fail to perform, we are the first to criticize. This goes for managers and owners, too. We wear our hearts on our sleeves, and our sleeves have said, “You disappointed us, but we’re used to it.” It’s still love, it just looks a lot different than what you think love looks like. It’s tough love. It’s the love you endure in spite of being heartbroken over and over again.

That’s how it had been, anyway.

This year, right from the beginning of the season, a new attitude was born. A new outlook started to take shape. It’s something that you can see with your eyes when you watch the season unfold, but it becomes more and more real as you FEEL it happening. It didn’t look like struggling and striving, though you could see they were working hard. It looked like joy, camaraderie, and faith, and it was contagious.

I’ve had this theory since first studying quantum mechanics and neuroscience in 2008 – Philly teams have lost so much because of US – the fans – and our expectations, our shame, and disappointment. On the metaphysical side, we are attracting what we put our focus on, and when we focus on their poor performance and everything they did wrong, we manifest more of that. Then there’s the neuroscience part of it:

I know I can’t take credit for this AT ALL, but the year I formulated this theory was the year the Phillies won the World Series. I was in the city that night, on Broad Street, with my dad. It was a night I’ll never forget. The magic lasted for a while, but there was still an underlying, “Bet they can’t do that again” belief that all the magic and the fairy dust settled back into the dirt. Even though I thought I had stumbled on something significant that should have inspired me to keep the faith, I couldn’t shake the doubts.

This Eagles team, though. This coach, these players. There was even something different about Jeffrey Lurie. It was their surrender and their knowing that their destiny was bigger than any one of them individually. It was their practiced celebrations that let YOU know that THEY knew there were going to be some big moments to celebrate. It was their locker room energy. It was their totally calm interviews, even as another player made the DL. It was their “next man up” mentality. It was their lack of ego. It was their belief in and support of each other. They made me believe, and even though the city is full of cynics, and some remained so, I never saw so much hope and faith among my fellow Phans.

I was at a party with my guy friends from high school when the Eagles played the Falcons in the division playoffs. My friend, Chris (aka Bird, who coincidentally married a girl named Birdie,) was definitely in his cynical mindset by the 3rd quarter with the Falcons leading by one, and an “easy pass” was not completed by Ajayi.

“I can’t help it. Year after year they choke. Why should I believe this will be any different. I’ll just wind up disappointed again. They’ll blow it.”

I shared my theory him, and I said, “Maybe the recipe for winning is faith first.” He considered it for a minute, but you can’t reverse a lifetime of belief in a moment.

A few more moments later he said, “I changed my mind. I decided to believe. I have faith.”

“Do you mean it?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah. I mean it.”

I knew he was trying to see if it would pay off, like an experiment. I sent up a little prayer, got myself in gratitude that it was already granted, and asked the angels to make this an affirming revelation for Chris, who had his own tough times and needed to feel like redemption was not just possible, but likely when you have faith first.

I felt it in my bones, and my smile said, “They already won.” After a field goal, a sack (by us,) and then a nice redeeming run by Ajayi, it was clear the momentum was in our favor. Our next drive downfield was little gain by little gain toward a field goal. Then a critical call went in our favor (not something we have come to expect.)

Then came that moment that Eagles fans anticipate – “Here it is. This is where they always blow it.”

We had a 5-point lead in the 4th quarter, but the Falcons had gotten all the way to the 2-yard line. “Chris, do you still have faith?”

“Yep. I still have faith.”

We didn’t choke. Atlanta did! Our defense was on, and their offense was off.

Before the NFC Championship game I texted Chris. “Remember the winning recipe: Faith first!”

As opposed to 2008 where our champions were mostly veterans, we managed to win with back ups. It was a win generated by something bigger than any individual player, and I believe it is totally repeatable. We’re no longer victims of a curse, or injuries, or bad calls, or bad karma.

It’s not as if our players were perfect in the Super Bowl. They were definitely not! AND the fact that they were not perfect was perfect, because even after they failed to complete a pass, or put pressure on Brady, or get the critical 2-point conversions, they came through when it really mattered – the turnover, the sack, the field goal that got our lead back, that final end zone defense.

They didn’t let their mistakes dictate their destiny. Instead of playing the victim, they embraced the underdog role and didn’t let anyone else decide what they deserved as their destiny. Super Bowl LII was a true Rocky story – THIS is who Philadelphia is, but it’s who anyone can be.

That’s why this is everyone’s story.


Say what you want; we’ll show you who we really are – CHAMPIONS, baby!

The Philadelphia Orchestra – Fly Eagles Fly!

Uploaded by The Philadelphia Orchestra on 2017-12-11.

Never. Stop. Learning. But Also…

Teaching by Joris Louwes on Flickr

Teaching. Teaching is the fastest way to reinforce what you learn. Many branding experts like myself will tell you that the benefit of writing a regular blog, LinkedIn post or even a status update is to help you establish a reputation as a thought leader, to raise your visibility and credibility, to demonstrate that you add value, so that employers come to YOU. That happens.

But also, we retain 70% of what we SAY, as opposed to 50% of what we see and hear. (We also retain 90% of what we SAY and DO!)

Right now I am reading a book on neuroscience and it is teaching me dozens of 60-second exercises that help develop and strengthen the parts of the brain responsible for motivation, decision making, creativity, and awareness – the four integral ingredients to building wealth, which as it turns out, does increase happiness (according to scientific studies.)

Rest assured, I will be trying these exercises and re-teaching them so that I remember them. Of course, I want to remember them so that I can continue to re-teach them to my clients in my coaching practice, so that I can continue to increase the value that I bring as an income optimizer, which will increase my own income as a byproduct.

So, even if you aren’t writing a blog or a post, look for opportunities to share what you are learning. This is why book clubs and interest groups (meetups) are great forums.

Since we’re here and I’m still in bed (because it’s 7 AM in California where I am right now,) I’ll share the one simple morning strategy I learned in this book so far:

Take a moment upon waking to stretch slowly and feel the comfort of your sheets. Tune into the sensations in your body. Assess your emotional state. Paying special attention to pleasurable sensations will stimulate the motivational center of your brain. Focus on the pleasurable sensation and imagine it multiplying, as it does the more you focus on it. Then visualize what you WANT to happen that day, overcoming anything that could stand in your way. I have shared this before, because it was previously taught to me, but the science behind it is new – doing this has been proven to improve your potential for success. [Mental contrasting and transfer of energization. Sevincer AT, Busatta PD, Oettingen G. Per Soc Psychol Bull. 2014 Feb;40(2):139-52.]

As a questioner (a la Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies) I need to understand the logic behind any recommendation before I buy into it. Even though I had found the teachers who passed this on credible, knowing the science is proven is reinforcing to me that this is a worthwhile effort to make, especially because I want the outcome for me and for my clients.

So not only am I incentivized to do it, I am incentivized to pass this on to you.

Try this simple exercise every day for 2 weeks and let us know what difference it makes for you.

Have a prosperous week.

Beatles Getting Better All The Time

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.



What Do We Really Need More of?

Love by Mayberry Health and Home on Flickr

Sing it with me…”What the world…needs now…is…”

Before you go labeling me as a “snowflake,” or “airy-fairy” or an idealist, all of which I have been accused of and may or may not be true, let me ask you this…. What do you prefer? Love or Rules?

In all the corporate disciplines that exist to help companies become better at cultivating a culture that keeps valuable talent and optimizes engagement (Organizational Development, Human Resources, Training and Development, Talent Management, Change Management, Human Capital Management, etc.,) it seems the best a company can do as of right now is to engage an emotional intelligence trainer, train their managers to be better coaches (I will distinguish between these things below), and re-employ someone who turns out to be suited for their intended role or should their role be eliminated.

Even in these best practices, there are shortcomings, and most companies are just trying to cover their butts with more extensive sexual harassment awareness training and instituting more clear expectations of respectful behavior as well as clear and fair consequences for infractions. Is this adequate? Are these companies treating the symptoms instead of the causes?

Not all managers are coaches. Most managers focus mainly on the pragmatic components of performance. Some, for liability reasons or simply because they don’t feel work is the time or place or because they don’t feel adept at addressing it, ignore the emotional side of their human resources. At what cost?

On the morning I was interviewed by KQTH radio in Tucson last week, I awoke and read a page of Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Wayne Dyer. Reading an inspiring passage to start my day was a ritual that I adopted with the Miracle Morning in 2016. I was going to be interviewed on recruiter blacklists by Mike Rapp, and this particular passage was of serendipitous significance.

Think about the problems that would disappear if people were actually kind, instead of being forced to be kind:

  • The negatives of black lists
  • Harassment (sexual or otherwise)
  • Bullying
  • Bias/discrimination

A long time ago I stopped teaching my clients how to act confident and focused more on helping them be confident. If I find that my clients are hurting or resentful about their employment past, I know that they will get much further much faster if they acknowledge that pain, process it, and release it rather than if they ignore it or pretend it isn’t there.

What would happen if instead of creating rules and guidelines to attempt to avoid offensive behaviors, we address why people treat other people poorly in the first place?

“Hurt people hurt people.” (This quote has been attributed to Will Bowen, Yehuda Berg, and Rick Warren)

Regardless of who said it, can you see how this is true?

I’m not suggesting traditional therapy is the answer. I spent years in therapy myself during my youth through my parent’s divorce, and while I did gain some validation for why I acted out as I did, and it was nice to have someone to talk to during that time, I only felt more emboldened and justified in acting out toward my parents. I felt justified in my resentment. I didn’t heal. The healing began when I started to take more accountability, learned how to forgive, and how to be compassionate. This was coaching, not therapy.

It’s not like flicking a switch. I’m not cured of my pain, and I still may tend to react in my old ways rather than respond in a conscious way, but my awareness improves with continued coaching and I continue to add tools to my toolbox to come from a place of love and compassion rather than pain, and the outcomes of my interactions with people are infinitely better when I do.

Coaching is a way of providing an objective perspective on what can hold back peak performance, and what can be done to attain and maintain peak performance. Coaches do not shy away from the nitty gritty of feelings. They create a safe space for a person to be flawed, give feedback without judgment, and provide techniques, drills, exercises. They provide support and accountability in creating new habits.

Some might say that the workplace is no place for:

  • Love
  • Crying
  • Feelings
  • Personal problems
  • Games

Except, science is proving that positive psychology techniques in the workplace are already:

  • Transforming how a company collaborates
  • Feeding innovation
  • Improving workforce health
  • Improving productivity
  • Increasing profits

Shawn Achor proved in his work with Fortune 500 executives in 42 countries that the byproducts of a more positive workforce are well worth the investments and the investments don’t even have to be monetary or require a lot of time.

I am keenly aware that people in pain don’t usually just make a simple choice to be more positive. Personal transformation is much more complex. There are patterns of thinking reinforced over a lifetime that need to be identified and reversed. Yes, you can apply some simple happiness techniques to become more positive, and that WILL trickle down to various elements of your professional and personal life, and maybe that would be adequate to cultivate respect and tolerance.

But what could work look like if there was a focus on healing and helping employees reach potential in areas of their lives besides work?

One thing I can say with confidence – As hard as you can try to compartmentalize an area of your life, it will surely bleed into the others. This goes for both good and bad things. If you form a good habit in your health, it will have a cascading effect on other areas of your life. If you are having problems at home, or are dealing with health issues, you will find your productivity and engagement go down. Even those who escape their personal problems and dive into their work will find that there is a burn out point, or they are just a little less than their best selves when they are at work. There is even greater pressure to make that part of their lives go well.

Your emotions impact your brain chemistry and your brain chemistry impacts your physical body, communication, and cognition (obviously).

What I am suggesting is that companies consider a truly holistic, even “alternative” approach to the very current initiatives of ridding the workplace from bias, harassment of all kinds, bullying, discrimination, toxicity and stifled growth.

Yes, employees will always benefit from being able to relate better with one another, but they also need to relate better to themselves.

We are less able to give when we feel we don’t have enough. If we don’t feel like we have enough of our basic human emotional needs: connectedness, acceptance, love, we won’t be apt or able to offer it. What companies are asking their employees to do is to put other people’s feelings first. I foresee there being much resistance and inadequate execution with this method.


In 2018 Epic Careering is launching a program that will help companies create a conscious culture. It will come with assessments, live workshops, online courses, interactive communities, and management and executive consciousness coaching training. If you recognize that your company is experiencing conflicts and breakdowns that require an alternative solution to the traditional corporate approach, e-mail Karen at Confidentiality is guaranteed. Take the first step in transforming your company for everyone’s sake. There could be a day when you feel as good about going to work as you do about coming home.

What The World Needs Now Is Love / Dionne Warwick

Please skip CM. I am sorry to mistake some spellings. Dionne Warwick ディオンヌ・ワーウィック Burt Bacharach バート・バカラック

I Gave Myself The Gift of Space

Cleaning by Duane Storey on Flickr

I just celebrated a milestone birthday, and while some people dread these milestones, I’m actually very optimistic about the decade ahead. There is a ritual I do every year on my birthday that makes me look forward to it every year, even as my age climbs.

Traditionally, I put up the Christmas tree, decorations, and lights on my brother’s birthday, December 3rd. There has always been a mild day approaching this date to be outside putting lights up, and a cold day or snowy/rainy where we (my kids and I – this is my husband’s busy season, so the holiday preparations are on me) move the toys, sort some into a donation pile to make room, and assemble our fake, but beautiful, Christmas tree. Every year, without fail, there are either extra branches or missing branches. I’ll never understand how that happens but accept it, just like socks disappearing in the wash.

Then from December 3rd on, I may add some accouterments, but we’re well decorated for a good three weeks before Christmas and by my daughter’s birthday, December 10th. With her birthday and then Christmas, space is difficult to find. We live in a small rancher (with a full basement – full in that it is the size of the first floor, but also full in that there isn’t much space down there.) By the time my birthday hits, I’m anxious to have more space. I at least need to do yoga without stuff invading my peace of mind.

While I appreciate white wall space and clear counters and tables, my husband is an accumulator. He’s one of 10 kids, and it never fails when I clear a space, he tends to fill it. We have accumulated a lot over the past 17 years in our house, and even though I started to get much better at cycling more out than in, we still have a LOT of stuff.

For my birthday every year, I make sure the outside decorations come down and get put away, the tree comes down, and the inside decorations go back down in the basement. We manage to find places to put some of the toys the girls received, and get a good idea of what still needs to be donated, which is my Martin Luther King, Jr. project.

I have heard, even recently when reading a blog about the secrets of tidy people, that some people attribute a clean home and empty space to a high-functioning mind, a moral person, or even a “good” family. I don’t make that connection. That seems very superficial and arbitrary to me.

My reality is, I don’t always have space. It feels like an everyday struggle to create space. I value empty space, organization, and order. At the same time, I love my husband, my kids, and my pets and I have had to compromise. My threshold for what I can tolerate in chaos an disorder is much higher than it used to be and probably higher than most. While the life I love to live doesn’t always afford me the time to create or maintain order among my things, I give myself the gift of space every year for my birthday, and it’s a ritual that makes my birthday something to look forward to even as I get older.

When I can’t create order and space in my physical space throughout the year, I meditate to create order and space in my mind. Sometimes this is a ridiculous endeavor – I mean, I do work at home with my kids. This means I have to take time out of my workday while they are in school to meditate, get up before they do (which does not always work out,) do it after they go to bed when I’m sure to fall asleep early and then wake up at 3 AM, or attempt meditating with them at home, or with them. I know meditation is great for them, but I don’t get the benefit of meditation when I do it with them; they can’t sit still, not just because one daughter has ADHD, but because they’re kids. I find if I can manage to take a shower without interruption, it has a meditating effect. I tend to come up with the best ideas in the shower. I’ve even written songs in the shower.

My daughter’s doctor, upon her diagnosis of ADHD, actually suggested that, when they weren’t looking, we get rid of ALL toys in our house, leaving them with wooden spoons and pots and pans. It’s some school of thought she subscribes that associates toys with the death of creativity or the birth of consumerism. I have tried to have my kids participate in the project. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. One daughter can function at a very high level in the middle of chaos, and while I’m sure this will serve her well someday, she tends to not notice the mess, even when she is expected to help clean it. The ADHD daughter doesn’t love to clean, sort and organize, but does get a sense of joy when we are able to achieve it, however how long it lasts. I have learned that they are much more engaged in tidying when there’s something in it for them, like a play date.

I won’t deny them toys – I have uncovered beliefs around worthiness in myself stemming from not having the same toys as my peers and being treated poorly by said peers. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that they aren’t worthy of good things, as in objects. I have faith that they have very strong imaginations and make sure they spend time creating, not just consuming. One of my common questions to them, however, is, “What’s more important, people or things?” I say this a lot when they fight over things. I always want them to value people over things. My ADHD daughter will sometimes play with a new friends’ toys rather than the friend. I watch and manage this thoughtfully.


I’m not sure how I’ll manage it with all of my other priorities, but I have created an intention and vision of more space in my home, and believe that by making more space, I am making room for new good things to come into our lives. While I can tolerate a mess and function just fine, I recognize how much better I feel when I can close my drawers without grunting, locate my brush on the bureau, just push play on the yoga video without taking an extra 20 minutes to tidy up, and have room to chop vegetables on my counter and a place to craft and create. Of course, there’s having a home where other people feel comfortable, too.

the space between by dave matthews band lyrics

i do not own. all rights go to dave matthews band. with lyrics

2018 needs an anthem

Music by Jesse Kruger on Flickr

3-5% of the world’s population is apathetic to music…  This post is for everyone else.

I saw posts of heartache from a young woman who had been cheated on. She was exactly the age that I was when my cheating boyfriend and I finally broke up. Only, I was over it pretty fast. Once the full truth came out, I was determined to get back to me.

I went on dates, hung out with friends, especially my guy friends, and started a band with the friend who introduced us. Music was instrumental (no pun intended) in helping me heal and rebound. I remember the P!ink song “There You Go.” Not only was it constantly on the radio, but it was in my head, making me feel powerful and fierce. It was my anthem.

I met my husband within 4 months, even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship. We fell madly in love pretty fast. When I did see him again at a mutual friend’s engagement party, it was like the song was coming true.  That was a beautiful redemptive moment.

I wish I would have thought to use music the same way when I was laid off in 2002. I think if I would have had an anthem, I would have stayed motivated, even when three different companies strung me along for months waiting for financial approval to hire me. Instead of desperately holding on to hope and giving up my power to those companies, I might have charged forward, making things happen as I know I can do now.

The better we feel, the more we can take on.

Do you have an anthem for 2018? If not, I invite you to check out the songs below and adopt one of these. I offer something for everyone, and my reasons for including them.  I have included them on a YouTube playlist so you can play them in succession, as well as individual hyperlinks.

  1. Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles

I have to start out with a classic, one I think most people know, recognize, and a song for which most people have some memory association. I used to sing thing song to my babies as I changed their diaper in the morning.  I would open up the curtain and see them smiling at me.  It makes my heart happy to remember how blessed I felt to start my day that way.

  1. It’s a Beautiful Morning, The Rascals

This is another classic tune I would sing to my girls, and I still do. Sometimes the sun would shine through this weeping willow tree and give the whole bus stop a glow. I’m not a morning person, so I need a little extra help to rise and shine.

  1. One Moment In Time, Whitney Houston

This was recently resurrected for me watching the U.S. figure skating national championships. You might remember this song as the theme song for the 1988 Olympics in South Korea, and it was chosen as the anthem for an up-and-coming future Olympian, Starr Andrews. (She had a viral video 7 years ago.) She, now 16, actually skated to a version of this song that was sung both by her and Whitney Houston. Watch the video and try not to be inspired as she is overwhelmed by one of many moments in time.

  1. Fight Song, Rachel Platten

If you are a music snob like me, you might resist this song because it’s a pop song. I changed my mind when I learned that she was a 34-year-old married woman when this song, her first hit, finally broke through. That is an unheard of age for a breakout performer!  This was literally her fight song. Everyone in her life was trying to help her see that she had to pick a consolation career and this song is her middle finger. I’m okay with my girls loving it and playing it incessantly. It’s a guilty pleasure. Go, Rachel!

  1. Don’t Stop Believing, Journey

I hate to be cliché, but Journey’s Greatest Hits is one of my first CDs. I am a child of the 80s, and I was a small town girl. Eventually, I was also the singer in a smoky room.  We are living just to find emotion. There’s no happy ending in this song, just a call to action to be present in the moment, winning or losing, and to keep hope that a better life is waiting.

  1. Three Little Birds, Bob Marley

The beach is my happy place, and I have fond memories of Jamaica. You don’t have to have travelled there to appreciate Bob Marley and his music, but being there did make an impression on me. It made me wonder if the constant playing of Bob’s music throughout the resort was meant to induce a benevolent brainwashing. If you ever feel like an island, as troubled as that island might be, remember you are a beautiful island, and every little thing is gonna be alright.

  1. Like the Ceiling Can’t Hold Us, Macklemore

I’m going to start to get a bit more niche with this song and the ones that follow. You may not be a rap fan, but this song describes a triumphant journey from poverty to prosperity, from addiction to redemption. Macklemore is a comeback story, an underdog story, and so far has a happy ending. He has repaid loyalty to his girlfriend, now wife, and best friend Ryan Lewis. He used his rising fame to propel a performer, Wanz, who had killed his dreams to test software back into music. Wanz won 2 Grammy Awards for his part in Macklemore’s “Thrift Shop” hit.

  1. Shine, Trey Anastasio

Trey is the lead singer of Phish. Phish is a jam band, which means they play improvisational rock much like Miles Davis played improvisational jazz. In my personal opinion, listening to this song on YouTube is 1/100 of the experience of seeing Trey or Phish live. (Yes, I have also seen the Dead, several times, but not with Jerry.) Though you may feel uplifted by the song, the live experience is other-worldly. Being in a musical experience with a large crowd is one of the most connecting experiences there is on the planet, and this is an audience that is for the most part awake to that, which makes it a level-up experience. Yes, listen, but experience it if you can.

  1. Going In the Right Direction, Robert Randolph and the Family Band

It was a Sunday morning at the first Bonnaroo, a mega-musical festival in Manchester, TN.  Robert Randolph was playing. I was raised Catholic, but don’t practice. I had always kind of wished I was Southern Baptist, because they really seem like they are in the music unabashedly. What a way to worship, I thought.  Seeing Robert that Sunday morning put me in a state of glory I had not yet experienced. I would go every Sunday if Robert played!

  1. You Get What You Give, New Radicals

The video perfectly depicts my early work experiences at the mall. The song and video are a plea for the downtrodden, the underemployed, and the suicidal to give the world a chance and recognize your own worth.


Share in the comments on your favorite anthem, and listen to the complete playlist, which will be updated with your suggestions.