Archives for October 2018

Kick Glass – Part 1 Recap of the PA Conference for Women 2018

Jen Walters quote

Quote from #PennWomen

It seems to start earlier and get more crowded every year, though I think last year was a record when Michelle Obama was one of the keynote speakers. The trains are always full…of women, many craving the keys to the kingdom, or just to a better way of working and living that’s more – them. They’re seeking permission, forgiveness, acceptance, and empowerment, and they get it.

I know there are a number of breakouts I can attend, and some of them fit right into my wheelhouse, like personal branding, LinkedIn, salary negotiations, etc.

I attended Dr. Jen Welter’s breakout because she became the first woman to breakthrough the NFL’s gender barriers as a coach for the Arizona Cardinals. And, because she did such an awesome job blazing the trail, she has effectively kept the door open for several others to follow:

  • Bills full-time coach, Kathryn Smith
  • 49ers Offensive Assistant, Katie Sowers (also first open LGBTQ coach in NFL)
  • Raiders strength coach, Kelsey Martinez

I have helped many of my clients overcome many kinds of bias, but I had to hear her story – how she did it, who helped her along the way, what happened once she was there, how she got a team of male football players to give her the respect that enabled her to effectively coach them.

I took some great snippet Tweetables from her talk, suitable for a large room of women or a stadium with the energy and confidence she projected. What she taught transcended gender and apply to leadership in the face of bias and increased scrutiny. She was teaching us how to and why to KICK GLASS – don’t let others tell you what your limits are. Defy them by being your full, authentic self.

If you ever get the chance to see her speak, or read her book, Play Big: Lessons on Being Limitless from the 1st Woman to Coach in the NFL, I recommend you take it.

No Doubt – Just A Girl

Best of No Doubt: https://goo.gl/arujs7 Subscribe here: https://goo.gl/HRNLKB Music video by No Doubt performing Just A Girl. (C) 2003 Interscope Records

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business, will be an Associate Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department in 2019,  and is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

6 Ways You Can Kill Others’ Enthusiasm to Help You

Bored

I’ll be honest; I’ve done some of these myself. Not only might you say the same thing, but you might also recognize when you have tried to help others, but they killed your enthusiasm to help them.

If you know me, you know that I share the following with total love and support and only with the highest intentions of raising your self-awareness so that you can make changes where it makes a difference to the results you want in your life. No judgement here.

No one you admire rose to success without the help of others. You need it, so if you are doing any one of the following, I suggest you own it and correct it, perhaps even address it with those who have tried to help you. Restore their faith that their efforts to help you will be appreciated and promise that you will take action. Then, keep that promise.

Now review the list, which is by no means exhaustive, and ask yourself honestly – have I done any of these?

  1. Not Asking For Help or Not Being Clear How Someone Can Help You

It’s obvious, right? I would have to guess most of the population of the world can say at one time or another, they failed to ask for help or ask for specific help.

Part of the problem is that people who have a sincere desire to help aren’t trained in needs assessment, and they don’t read minds. They may be very general and vague, such as saying, “Need help?” or, “Can I help?” or even, “How can I help?” Unintentionally, this puts a burden on you to figure out exactly how this person can help, without knowing if they even have the resources or knowledge you need. Furthermore, if you are under stress, few personalities can see clearly what is needed to help a situation.

The more specific you can be about what you want, though, the more help you will receive. Specific action plans and follow up items (with due dates) are how things get done. Ask any project manager. See your transition or goal as a project. Break it down, even on paper. Look at it visually and it will help you identify where there are needs, so that when someone asks with what you need help, you can run off a list and they can either respond with something they can do to help immediately, or stay alert for how their network might assist.

2. “I did that already.”

I’ve been guilty of this, and it’s been true, so I was fully justified in answering this, right? Yeaaahh, but…  I can remember vividly many conversations that went like this. I was at the end of my rope – I’d already exhausted my options and was feeling frustrated and desperate for help, even though I had very little hope of receiving it. In the end, the person who was just trying to be helpful felt just as frustrated as I was and felt bad about themselves and me. I know I started to sound like someone who’s almost insulted that this person wouldn’t think I’d tried that already. That’s not how you want the person who is trying to help to feel. I’m glad to have become aware of how I was making them feel, but I can’t undo the conversations; only do things differently next time.

Number one is to warn them that there was a long list of advice you’ve received and things you already tried, but so far nothing solved your dilemma. Give them a disclaimer that while you appreciate their desire to help, it may lead nowhere new. If they’d still like to help, promise that you will not be defensive, and keep your promise. Stay calm, detach from the frustration for the moment, and take a deep breath after every suggestion. When they offer a suggestion you already tried, tell them why it failed to bring about the desired results. Maybe they can troubleshoot your approach and you can retry something in a new way that is ultimately successful. If you get to the end and there is no new information, let them know that just their willingness to help was meaningful and appreciated.

3. Not following up on leads promptly

When someone makes a powerful introduction on your behalf, they turn a cold lead into a hot lead. Ideally, you are positioned as a solution to a problem or a catalyst toward an important goal. People have become all too accustomed to people not following up and responding. When someone follows up immediately, it’s exciting and keeps the momentum high. There is a much better chance of a great outcome when action is taken and responded to promptly.

On the other hand, a hot lead will cool down, and even forget why they were excited in the first place. Think about how many things can happen in a day, then multiply that. Not to be cliché, but strike while the iron is hot. If you don’t, you’ll find other people will feel less compelled to follow up on your behalf as quickly, and then their enthusiasm and the details they remember wane. This leads to a lot less powerful and enthusiastic introduction if people don’t completely lose interest or forget that they were even supposed to do anything on your behalf.

Timing is everything!

I’ll give you this – sometimes delays are fortuitous, so even if some time passes, follow up. However, I’ve seen many more great things happen from a cascade of timely actions than from delayed reactions.

4. Not researching people before you connect after being referred/introduced

With LinkedIn at your fingertips, there is no excuse not to do at least some minor research on who it is that someone has recommended you to or introduced you to. Skipping the “getting to know you” part of the conversation and digging right into the “How did you find that experience” conversation will help you accelerate building rapport and put you in a better position to earn trust and additional action on your behalf. Come to these conversations prepared to reference what you have learned about them and a clue as to how you can be of assistance to them.

5. Making it difficult to schedule something

Few people know about complicated logistics better than a work-at-home mom who operates as a single parent (seasonally.) For many years while my kids were small and not in school full time, there were few hours I could make available to people on a regular basis. From October through March, my husband’s busy season, most scheduling was based on trying to arrange childcare around other people’s schedule. I tried to instruct people to offer me 3-5 times and days, but I often received responses like, “Whenever it works for you.” So then I would ask a babysitter what they could offer me and pass on that availability to people. But then often by the time they got back to me, the babysitter’s availability would change and I would either have to find a new babysitter who could be available during that time or get a whole new set of available days and times to offer.

You can see how many people would just give up and opt to work with someone who had more traditional hours. This was just one complicated scenario out of many complicated scenarios that arose frequently. I know from studying user experience – the more hoops you make people jump through, the more barriers you are putting in building rapport and creating synergy – the less prone people will be to take action. I had to make things simpler.

I tried two different calendar apps – Meetme.com and Calendly.com. They both integrate with my google calendar so that times I block off don’t show up as available. I stayed with Calendly because it enables me to create different types of calendar events at different lengths with required and optional questions or information fields. I can even accept payments through this app. I also integrated a Facebook messaging app from my company page so that people can find the option they want and book me right from there. If I need a certain amount of notice for a meeting, in case I need to arrange childcare, I can adjust that setting as well.

Now if someone doesn’t schedule, I at least know it’s not because I made it too hard. And I’m not making people feel like they’re not important or like they are burdening me.

6. Being wishy-washy about what you want

I get the logic that if you leave your options wide open, you’re expecting more to come in. It just doesn’t work as well, however, as giving people a crystal clear idea of what would light you up and help you thrive and succeed. That’s just so much more motivating because it FEELS better. Don’t underestimate the “feels” part of getting people to help you. The better you make them feel, the more help you can expect.

Also the better you can articulate the value you bring to particular people and situations, the more people feel capable of selling you to others, and the better they think you’ll make them look when you come along and save the day.

 

I didn’t include things like offer your help back. Do I think it’s a good practice? Yes, but I think it’s even better when you ask specific questions that enable you to identify for the person what you can help with and then just give it as opposed to making a general, “Hey, if I can help you, too, let me know.” Take the burden off people to figure out how you can help.

Also, there are some people who would rather you pay it forward than pay it back. That is essentially the ideal outcome of offering someone help – you create a win-win for two people you want to help by introducing them.

Make sure you update the people who help you on what happens, especially the good stuff. A thank you card is a dying, but uber appreciated gesture of gratitude.

Being aware of these practices and taking corrective action can mean the difference in generating momentum toward your goals and being stuck in an abyss of frustration.

What are some ways people have discouraged you from helping them?

Carole King – It’s Too Late [HD]

Carole King sings ‘It’s Too Late’ from her 1971 Ode album ‘Tapestry’ – one of the best selling ever. This song written by King and Toni Stern reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, won the Record of the Year Grammy and is on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs list.

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play.

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales.

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot.

She was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business, will be an Associate Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department in 2019, and is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

When Someone Slanders You At Work

Gossip=workplace violence

Gossip-Violence

I was bullied and picked on as a kid, and there were things I wish I had understood then that might have led me to spend fewer days broken and miserable by it, though I also see that was part of my journey now.

#1 – “Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.” (This quote has been attributed to so many different people, or I’d give you the source.) UNLESS, your reputation supports your livelihood OR you want to grow and develop into a better person. It’s a great time for self-reflection, but don’t obsess. Here’s where it would be helpful to know – are the negative things based on opinion/bias, or were they related to something you did/said?

#2 – “Hurt people hurt people.” (same for this quote) Sometimes the people who need the most compassion are the ones who show the least. This person may have felt hurt, either by you or another, and subconsciously think that they will feel better if they inflict hurt upon someone else, as if that makes the world a more fair place. In this case, though I know how hard and scary it might be, confront them with compassion.

By nature, we tend to want to make ourselves look good/right, and sometimes that means making other people look bad/wrong. If it might have been you who hurt them, sincerely ask them what you did, how they feel, listen, take accountability, apologize, and promise that you’ll never do it again. Let them be right; take the hit of being wrong. You’ll feel/look better in the end and you will have grown, learned and developed from it – all of which helps you be a better human, friend, collaborator, etc.

If you don’t think it was you, ask them, “Did you ever feel like the world was unfair?” Get them talking and listen. This type of conversation can be completely transformative for both/all parties.

#3 – “Misery loves company.” (Who knows where this originated. Some theorize the ancient Greeks.) Just watch the below video. While bullies fit into the above category, the power struggle has a bit of a different dynamic, because they will be more relentless to make you feel bad. I don’t know if you’re a boy/man or girl/woman, but girl bullying is more psychological than physical. Being excluded and being the subject of gossip is often the M.O. Just don’t get caught up in doing it back. The best revenge is being happy in spite of their efforts – make sure they see you having fun. Have more than one group of friends. Though I’m still friends with my core group of friends, I also still (20+ years later) keep in touch with other groups of friends, too.

#4 – “A troll is a troll is a troll.” (Me) People see these trolls for what they are – bored and miserable. They fit into #2, too. Guy Kawasaki recommends, if the comment/complaint is even worth a response for the sake of maintaining integrity in your point/message, give him/her your best, witty, intelligent response and drop the mic. You can also follow Sarah Silverman’s example:

Sarah Silverman’s response to a Twitter troll is a master class in compassion | CBC Radio

I’ve learned many ways of coping with this, and here are two good ones:

Think of 3 reasons that this person might have done this. It will help you develop a sense of compassion and understanding, which is the bridge from misery to peace. It can help you decide if you need to take further action or not.

Another is to just forgive – recognize that we’re all dealing with our own stuff, and how we see other people is a reflection of how we see ourselves. The better we are at letting go of these hurts, the less they weigh us down, the higher we can soar. I just shared a mini-hypnotherapy season on this: Hypnotherapy by Karen Huller

Of course, if someone is ruining your reputation and that reputation is something you need for your livelihood, you need to decide if restoring your reputation would require a rebuttal or a reconciliation.

After hitting a slump in placements as a recruiter, my boss had me working under a mentor who was killing it in placements. After 2-3 months my mentor confirmed to my boss that I was doing everything that I was supposed to be doing, which raised questions about the feedback he was receiving from a couple of account managers with whom I was paired regarding a lack of quality candidates. My boss invited me to, right then and there, ask the two account managers into a meeting with me, him, another VP to whom I reported, and my mentor. I was delighted to clear the air.

This was done in a formal, professional, non-confrontational manner. It was an opportunity for me to ask for feedback that would actually help me perform better and be a better contributor. That’s how I approached it. The outcome was completely in my favor.

He let me take the lead. I asked them to provide specific examples – job orders assigned to me for which they received not enough or no qualified candidates. One of those account managers took accountability for not properly qualifying job requirements and not getting quality feedback on candidates submitted. The other could only provide general feedback – no specifics.

My boss concluded that it was a perception issue, not a performance issue. Looking back I realize that my results, or lack thereof, was also a function of my disengagement in the activities. I was taking the steps necessary, but my mindset was not in it. That took years of self-reflection and additional coaching to identify.

Everything worked out as it was meant to, though. A few months after this I started this business. That was 12 years ago. I’m glad I moved on, but also very glad to have left with my reputation in tact, as my co-workers and former boss continue to refer clients and opportunities to me.

If you feel you are being unfairly assessed, initiate a similar type of meeting in the spirit of self-betterment. You may learn something about how to be more successful there, or you may learn that you just aren’t in the right culture to thrive. Do something with what you learn, either way.

My boss was working with a coach who I am sure influenced his approach to resolving this, and he made this coach available to anyone on the team as well. I know I benefited from that coach. She helped me reach a place where I can say with confidence I gave it all I had, identify some blind spots, and plan my exit after realizing that my best in that role in that company was far from what I could give in this capacity (career coach/professional branding consultant.)  I do for others what she did for me. I recommend getting one.

Adele – 21 – Rumor Has It – Album version

Adele 21 Rumor Has It She, she ain’t real, She ain’t gonna be able to love you like I will, She is a stranger, You and I have history, Or don’t you remember? Sure, she’s got it all, But, baby, is that really what you want?

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer and Certified Career Transition Consultant and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business, will be an Associate Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department in 2019,  and is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.